Author: Ana

Story Title: Raindrops

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~ While I think it could have been a little more creative, it’s definitely good enough for a one-shot and it carries creativity as well as interest.



Poster/Background: 3/5 ~ I didn’t think everything needed to be so dark because it wasn’t necessarily a depressing story; it was more the opposite where the girl realizes that she deserves better. I don’t feel like the graphics encompassed the mood of the story.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ I liked this a lot because I feel like forewords are not supposed to be long. They’re supposed to catch and hold onto your interest and that one sentence was able to do both. Next time, put the copyrights at the bottom so it’s more formal.



Plot: 12/15 ~ I wish you could’ve gone a little more in depth with your plot. Overall, it was well developed and interesting but I think you could have done the storyline more justice and elaborated more on the background of the story; I know this is a one-shot but readers are more likely to enjoy a story when they understand and “feel” the entire thing and not just a random part, you know what I mean? It just feels like we’re supposed to be sympathizing with this girl even though we have no idea what had been happening all those years and what she’s like.



Originality: 17/20 ~ I’m not going to go into the originality part because needless to say, it wasn’t he most creative storyline ever. However, you did make up for it because your storytelling was very unique and made the story more interesting.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 14/15 ~ Wow, I’m impressed. I didn’t find many (or barely any) spelling/grammar/punctuation etc. whatever. The only small part that left me confused for a bit was the very end where it was like



“The girl may have had what she thought she wanted, and the girl may have once been her enemy, but now she wanted so much to thank her.”



It wasn’t very clear who the “girl” you were referring to was. Maybe a better wording could have been:



“That girl may have had what she thought she had wanted, that very girl may have once been her enemy as well but now, she just wanted so much to thank her.”



Detail: 4/5 ~ For a one-shot, there was a decent amount of detail in there. However, like I’ve mentioned, I do feel like more background info as well as more elaborate descriptions could have been given; imagery really does do wonders.



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ Overall, I enjoyed your writing style. It was clear and refreshing while giving me a sense of who the characters were at the same time. I only wish that next time, you add more literary devices to your storytelling and widen your choice of vocabulary.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I really did like the way it ended; I just wish that I could have read a bit more. I feel like the story wasn’t very complete because it didn’t have it didn’t have that detail and background that could’ve made it even better.



Bonus: 5/5 ~ Here are the bonus points for the heck of it but hey, I have a question for you. When I received the request, I noticed that your email is duuckkiiee…I remember a winglin writer who went by that name once and I really liked one of her stories. Have you ever, by any chance, written a story about Hebe Tian and Aaron Yan?



Total: 87/100

Labels: Rachi

Author: RAINxclouds

Story Title: Rather

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/RATHER__/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~ I like how nice and simple the title was, sometimes its things like these that really get readers’ attention. It was a little confusing at first to relate it to your story but then I started getting it as I read on.



Poster/Background: 4/5 ~ The overall feel of it was a little too dark for my tastes. I know the story is a tragedy and all but the poster could’ve left a little to the imagination instead of straight-away stating “this story is sad and dark.” Besides, I couldn’t even tell that it was Taemin right away haha.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ The forewords itself was very good, I liked how it gave you a sneak-peek into the story, almost like an excerpt, and was attention-grabbing at the same time. One thing was the format. I think your actual foreword should have been laid out differently from your authors note at the bottom and the cast/intro at the top so that it’s clearer (ex. Double spacing just for the foreword and not for the rest of it)



Plot: 14/15 ~ This plot reminds me of movies that I’ve seen that have similar story lines (like ghost?) but I really liked the way you told it, I think it was great. I liked how I didn’t know she was actually dead until the last few sentences right before you told me; the element of surprise is always good in a story. I was sitting there, thinking “gosh Taemin is such a jerk” and then by the end of it I was crying. The characters Jinki, Chanchan, and Joolee could’ve been introduced a bit more because they seemed really random, like they just popped out of nowhere. I also wish you elaborated a little more in the end.

“She fell with him as he dove. He went head-first into the seas that had claimed her life. She protected him from a fate similar to hers.”

A little blunt, don’t you think? And wait, I thought she couldn’t touch him…

Originality: 18/20 ~ I’ve seen similar plots in both stories and movies before, the element of death and ghosts are prevalent in many stories, but I enjoyed how you told it overall. If you incorporated a little more detail in the story however, it would’ve made up for the lack of originality.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ The spelling and vocabulary was very good, I liked your choice of words. There were some issues with punctuation:



“As she disappeared into oblivion, Yunni looked at Taemin again, calling his name, and confessing her love to him for the last time.”



There are a lot of unnecessary commas in there and wrong tenses; “confessing” should be “confessed.” I think you’ll find a few of these punctuation and grammar mistakes throughout the story.



Detail: 3/5 ~ One major thing that was lacking from this story was detail. I understand that it’s a oneshot so you don’t want it to be too long but much more detail could have been incorporated into the length that you were working with easily and would’ve added so much more to the story.



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ The double spacing got tiring after awhile. There would’ve been A LOT of run-on sentences had you left out the double spacing and while it does give the story a movie-script/dialogue feel to it, too much makes it look like you’re trying to cover up the sentence format.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I absolutely loved your story overall, I just hate tragedies and this one definitely one but it was still good because I was most definitely surprised and I liked the way you told the story.



Bonus: 5/5 ~ Bonus for replying to comments and including little author’s notes in chapters.



Total: 89/100

Labels: Rachi

Author: mbwzy

Story Title: Rebirth+

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/rol/

Reviewer: Rachi@ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 ~ I liked it and it did have to do with the story but when I think of rebirth, the first thing that pops into mind is having to do with something religious or something serious like that and I don’t think it fit the mood in the story very well. Still, it was pretty attention grabbing which is what the title is supposed to be like.



Poster/Background: 4/5 ~ I absolutely loved the poster, it’s so cute! But although it was pretty adorable, it didn’t fit your mood at all! Next time requesting, make sure to make a note about your story’s mood and theme so the designers can know exactly what you’re looking for.



Forewords: 8/10 ~ What’s up with the complete lack of punctuation? I know this is supposed to be addressed later but that just turned me off completely. Anyways, back to your actual foreword. If you can manage to overlook the horrible punctuation, it’s not bad. The thing is, there was a little too much summarizing and not enough attention grabbers in there to invite readers in.



Plot: 12/15 ~ I like the idea behind your story, I think it’s unique and it’s pretty exciting. I was confused in a lot of places though because a) no spacing (just can’t get over this) and b) how the reincarnation part was extremely complex. The idea was good, just more clarification next time.



Originality: 19/20 ~ I saw some elements in the story that have appeared in many, many, countless others but the reincarnation was unique.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 5/15 ~ The grammar, punctuation, and spelling pretty much took 99% away from the story itself. No spacing, random capitalization, weird commas and periods, run on sentences, awkward sentence structuring and many misspelled words made the story a mess. The idea of the story and the plot itself was so good, but I barely got to enjoy (or pretty much even understand) half of it because the format was just crazy. I believe many, many readers are missing out on this opportunity to read your wonderful story but I can see what turns them off; when the story is utterly unreadable, they give up.



Detail: 2/5 ~ Detail just wasn’t there. Your sentences were more like statements than anything else and I couldn’t get a mental image of anything in my head, nothing.



Writing Style: 6/10 ~ I like your choice of words and the language because they make the story flow so nicely but besides that, all I could see in this story was a mess of letters. Paragraph format and the space bar are your friends sweetie, don’t be scared to use them



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10 ~ I love the plot and I love your ideas but the way you wrote them and the crazy grammar you used just took so much of that away, it was disappointing.



Bonus: 4/5 ~ Try for more comment replies next time, okay?



Total: 69/100

Labels: Rachi

Author: Markie

Story Title: The Cost of Life

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/TCOL2/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 ~ A bit dramatic, don’t you think? It’s kind of a downer and gives away the tragedy element of the story right away but then again, it does fit the story perfectly fine and it caught my attention, although next time, try making it a tiny bit more creative so it’s more of a title rather than a statement.



Poster/Background: 5/5 ~ Wow, I loved your poster. I liked how JJ and Yunho look exactly as if someone had drawn them and colored them in on a piece of paper. The background was great too, I could read the text perfectly.



Forewords: 7/10 ~ I didn’t really like the forewords because it was very lengthy and I read through 3/4 of it before realizing it was the introduction and not an actual chapter out of the story. Forewords are supposed to act as an introduction or some slight summary of the story. It definitely grabbed my attention but it seemed like some random excerpt out of the story that wasn’t very revealing at all. And shouldn’t the Characters go in the forewords? Or at least before the prologue?



Plot: 14/15 ~ You have a pretty good plot going on. It had my interest the whole time and I was excited to read the next chapter because I needed to find out what was going to happen. One thing I disliked about it was that I felt like half the story is centered around JJ getting hurt, or being forced to do something he doesn’t want to and although I know that it’s all supposed to go with the plot and was interesting at first, after while, it just seemed kind of pointless…like you ran out of ideas and just decided to make it into a horror story.



Originality: 18/20 ~ The whole “master-slave” thing is EXTREMELY overused but the reason you earned back a lot of the points was because a) it was yaoi so it was already somewhat unique and b) because of the way you told it; your tone and dialogue made it interesting.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 15/15 ~ I didn’t spot any grammar or spelling mistakes here (that’s a first!) There might have been a couple of run-on sentences but I could tell that those were made for emphasis and tone. I loved your choice of vocabulary, the words fit this story perfectly and made the plot flow quite nicely as well.



Detail: 3/5 ~ Your descriptions of the characters were very nice because I could get a super clear image of what they were supposed to be like based on how you characterized them but for the rest of the story, detail about the environment surrounding them was missing. Yunho’s mansion could’ve been described more in detail, as could the brothel house, and the candy shop, heck just about everything needed more description instead of just labeling it “the mansion” and etc.



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ I liked your formatting and how everything was very clear and readable. Your choice of language was great too. The only thing that made me confused sometimes, was how you used the (~) for flashbacks. I had issues understanding when they started, when they ended, and when another one started; a nice and simple –flashback—would have been nice. Also, I wish you would’ve labeled the POV’s of the characters so I would know right away. Some of them were very clear but others, I would be reading through more than half the chapter before I realized it was from etc.etc.’s point of view.



Overall Enjoyment: 7/10 ~ The whole violence thing wasn’t doing it for me. The rest of your plot was fine and I guess it was all part of the story but I think it was on overload a LOT of the time. I know you used it to emphasize certain situations and feelings but at a certain point, it just felt really dirty without purpose.



Bonus: 5/5 ~ I give bonuses based on two things: whether you replied to comments (if they were nice to comment, you should be nice enough to reply), and little messages (just about random stuff, or if there’ll be a delay in updates) because it shows responsibility and also gives the author more or less of a personality. You did both of that so there ya’ go :]



Total: 87/100

Labels: Rachi

Author: Midniite

Story Title: I Love My Family

Story URL: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2734931/1/I_Love_My_Family

Reviewer: Rachi@ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 ~ Fits the story? Yes. Creative? No.



Poster/Background: N/A



Forewords: 9/10 ~ This made me laugh. It didn’t really give a huge glimpse into what the story will be like but it did a good job of introducing all the characters, although maybe there were a little too many? I had issues remembering them all.



Plot: 13/15 ~ Extremely, extremely random :] I think that pretty much describes it. It was definitely hilarious, I liked how you characterized all the people in the family, my faves were David, Aiden and Suki. At some points I had trouble following the storyline because it was just SO random! The story could’ve been better by following a central plot instead of pretty much a completely different plot for each chapter.



Originality: 20/20 ~ I feel like I should give you 100 out of 20. This story was for sure, unlike anything I have ever read. It wasn’t cliché and was just downright funny :]



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ Grammer was okay although there was a lot of awkward word order. If you read through it carefully, I think you’ll find some spelling mistakes here and there. Nothing major though. There were some issues with punctuation, like run-on sentences but vocabulary was perfect. The word choice was great and really gave personality to the characters.



Detail: 4/5 ~There weren’t tons of detail, just enough to give the reader a sense of the environment and the characters. You did more “telling” instead of “showing. There was a lot more dialogue used than anything else, this would make a great play :]



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ I liked your writing style mainly because the format was clear, with a lot of humor. You could have italicized some more though, I think that would have made it easier to distinguish between a character’s thoughts and their actual actions.



Overall Enjoyment: 8/10 ~ I really liked how this story made me laugh. I was just sitting here reading it and all of a sudden I’ll burst out laughing and people will look at me. I think the personalities of the characters really shone through and made them all really unique, which also made me happy :] As I’ve mentioned, I had trouble following the story plot so it didn’t make some plots as enjoyable as it could have been.



Bonus: 3/5 Two points for the little messages/intros at the beginning of each chapter, they tend to make readers feel more connected to the author. One point for replying once to comments, work on that a little more.



Total: 83/95*

Labels: Rachi

Author: Susan Lee

Story Title: But No R

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan3/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~Woah, I feel like I should give you waaaay more than five points because it was SO creative! I didn’t know what it mean at first and I thought the “R” was for rated and I was like….waiit…



Poster/Background: 5/5 ~ I really liked the poster, it was so serene and calm but super cute at the same time. I was wondering where the girl was at first haha but I guess she’s not on there. The background was good too, it blended in pretty well and I didn’t have to highlight to read the font which made me incredibly happy.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ This was pretty creative as well, it made me laugh :] I had issues understanding who was who, mostly because I don’t know Yesung that well from SJ, but that’s just me. The formatting was a bit weird too because I didn’t know when the foreword started and when your little messages began because it was all double spaced. Maybe use a little more “-----“ next time to indicate which part is the foreword and which part is from you?



Plot: 15/15 ~ So I’ve mentioned that I don’t know Yesung that well but after reading your story, I just love him :] I feel like I know him personally now because of how well you characterized him. He really has a great personality, although I wish you could have descriped Yoobin’s character a little more, to do a little more “showing” instead of “telling.” I liked that the mood in this story is very carefree and joyful throughout and the best part was that it was absolutely hilarious in a very cute kind of way :] It wasn’t particularly dramatic && didn’t have me wondering what was going to happen next (except for the But No R part) but it was cute.



Originality: 17/20 ~ You made it your own with humor and creativity in that they became friends at a yogurt shop. Yesung cornering her in the alley seemed cliché at first but then it was like “ahh he’s hilarious.” I feel like although this story made me laugh and I liked it a lot, it wasn’t all that unique.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ The grammer was pretty good, although there were parts where you should’ve just double spaced on to a new paragraph as well as some run-on sentences. Spelling was perfect (I was so confused at the “foreve” part then I was like ahhh I gotcha). Punctuation was okay, though there were some extra periods and hyphens where they didn’t need to be. Vocabulary was mainly plain, non-descriptive words but I liked how they fit the mood just right because the mood is light and you wouldn’t have wanted really heavy, serious words anyways.



Detail: 2/5 ~ Detail wasn’t really there at all. This sort of bothered me because I couldn’t picture anything mentally as I read, except for maybe the looks on the characters’ faces. It was mainly dialogue, sort of like a script for a play where it’s meant to be acted out.



Writing Style: 8/10 ~ I gave this an eight because I liked the very clear dialogue and straightforward descriptions of the characters and their actions. However some parts confused me because I didn’t really know who said what. There definitely could have been more description and elaboration involved.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ Despite everything I’ve said, I still really liked this story. It was for sure, a comedy and everything that Yesung did just made me laugh. I liked how I didn’t know him at all first but then right after I read a little more, I felt like I knew him personally. I liked all the little pieces of humor you added in and it really made the story more interesting and readable.



Bonus: 3/5 ~I like authors that include little messages before each chapter because it makes readers feel like they’re reading something from an author with a great personality. I didn’t give you the full points because I wish you did a bit more responding to comments, which is what bonuses are mainly for.



Total: 86/100



Great job :]

Labels: Rachi