Author: th1rd3ye
Story Title: ♥ Flair & Fleur & Key ♥
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_key_FFK/
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com


Title: 4/5

The title suited the story well and that it was eye catching, although, the title should’ve been written like a normal title ‘Flair & Fleur & Key’; other than that, you chose the right title.


Poster/Background: 5/5

The poster was very nice designed and the background didn’t have any problems. Overall, I loved the poster.


Forewords: 10/10

The forewords were very well written and made me want to read on really badly. Although, how the characters were described was a bit cliché and irritating because characters shouldn’t be described that way. I also loved the preview that you gave because that part really gave out an effect that this story was going to be interesting to read. Well done!


Plot: 15/15

I’m really impressed! You are one great writer and the plot was absolutely fabulous. Everything was laid out so perfectly, I couldn’t stop reading! One great story!


Originality: 19/20

The plot was original and I’ll also add this even though it’s not in the rubric but very creative also!


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 14/15

You used a wide range of vocabulary which made the story unique and much more interesting to read. Not many mistakes or errors found.


Detail: 5/5

Your characterization and details were very clear and I understood everything, they were also well written and I didn’t see any problems with it.


Writing Style: 9/10

Your writing style was understandable, clear, simple and didn’t contain any long paragraphs. Everything, such as what was going on was very clear to me and I simply really liked your writing style.


Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

I really enjoyed reading this.


Bonus: 4/5

Good job on how everything was set out.


Total: 94/100

Wow, you got a high score from me! Good luck with your future stories because I love them and I hope you do write more ‘Key’ stories.

Labels: dramafreak4eva

Author: HenryLau_fan88
Story Title: My Dream Girl
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MyDreamGirl/
Reviewer: Eunbyul
Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com/

Title: 4/5
Your title was okay. Nothing special about it. Though, it does match your storyline. But consider more outgoing and witty titles for future fics to attract more attention from readers.

Poster/Background: 3/5
The color of your background is too bright, but I could easily read the font. Consider requesting a poster and/or background from someone. It’ll have a better review.

Forewords: 8/10
I liked the summery you developed in the forewords. It gave me an idea on where you are going with this story. And maybe you could add a little description on the characters mentioned, or main characters.

Plot: 13/15
I liked where you were going with this…so far. I find it a bit boring. The reason being is because there is not a lot going on. Nothing is that exciting, so don’t be afraid to add a few twists here and there.

Originality: 14/20
It’s original to a point. I’ve read similar storylines on different sites and usually they all end the same; they get together and it just stops there as an ending. Try to make it more unexpected if you can.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15
I found a few minor grammar and vocabulary mistakes, but nothing a good revision can’t handle. Though what irked me about the punctuation was your constant usage of exclamation marks. Most of them were not even needed. Use them for dialogue when someone is yelling or trying to prove a point. Try and work on that.

Detail: 3/5
You have some details, but not enough. Explain to the reader what’s going on; the scenery, actions of the characters during that part, interactions between them or thinking. What do the characters look like? What are they doing as they talk? Try and explain these kinds of details.

Writing Style: 7/10
I thought your writing style was a bit rushed. Though the form was nicely written, it’s just the way you type it out.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
It was an okay read. Not one of my favorites, but a nice easy read.

Bonus: 3/5

Total: 73/100

Labels: Eunbyul

Author: Ana
Story Title: Raindrops [One-Shot] COMPLETE
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 3/5

Your title is of appropriate length. However, it is not very interesting but it does link back to the story in a way. It is rather common in the sense that the words “rain” or “raindrops” remind people of bad weather, and sadness, especially cliché sad love stories. After reading your story, I felt that you could have done better if the title is “Iseul”. Do strive on.



Poster/Background: 3.5/5

I found the overall appearance of the story rather too dark, though it did help in attaining the melancholic mood of the story. The background was rather too plain. Gleefully, the font colours you had chosen and used are appropriate.


Forewords: 6/10

Your foreword was too short. It did not provide me with much to start with, though to give too many details would be a dead giveaway. However, your synopsis was really very short. It would have helped a lot if you had included more significant quotes said by the different characters. The basic character list is there but you could have added a little bit more, such as one or two of their distinctive character traits. Do strive on.


Plot: 13.5/15

Your plot is definitely not cliché. I am very satisfied with the ending whereby Junsu got nothing. He was rejected by his love and he lost his best support. I love it. Not that I am sadistic, but the typical drama plots’ endings are always happy endings whereby the characters changed for the better. In reality, it is hard for people to change for the better that easily. Old habits die hard. The link established between the name and the weather is a little out of the norm and creative. However, I would suggest for you to beef up your story more with more details and descriptions as well as more flashbacks perhaps. This is so as readers do not exactly know how much Aecha gave in to Junsu, thus, the impact of the grief would be reduced. Your story would be more impactful and complete if you had added in more details.


Originality: 18.5/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 14/15

One of the authors with the best command of English, I would say! Good job! Keep it up! Vocabulary was not too bad. I could see your efforts in varying the sentence structures as well as using different speech verbs and expressions to ensure that the tones in which the characters are using are based on their emotions. You had used past tense consistently too. Well done! One error:



[1] The girl may have had what she thought she wanted, and the girl may have once been her enemy, but now she wanted so much to thank her. (Chapter 1) – Instead of “may”, I was thinking that you should use “might” instead. This is so since you had used past tense really consistently.



Detail: 2.5/5

Sufficient details were given but not further elaborated. You could have described more about the whole settings and atmosphere other than just mentioning raindrops. Add colours into the scenes. Also, the raindrops may have a certain rhythm. You could do better! Do strive on!


Writing Style: 10/10

Neat, consistent, direct and easy to comprehend; good style!


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

I felt that it was too short. I know this is a one-shot but it could have been longer. Maybe you could have added some flashbacks of how much Aecha had given to Junsu and also more revelations of the relationship between the three good friends… (I suppose)



Bonus: 5/5

MY FAVOURITE IS FEATURED! KIM JUN SU! =] Though he is rather mean here, but still … =D



Total: 84/100

Labels: th1rd3ye

Title: Love Disguise

Author: jstcallmeunish :)

Reviewer: th1rd3ye



Title: 3/5

The word “love” is overused in many titles. Thus, your title seems common and typical. Together with the word “disguise”, your title appears a little more interesting, but your title most probably will be lost in the long list of titles.



Forewords: 7.5/10

Your foreword was not too bad. I think that you had included most of the elements that I was looking for such a basic character list with some background information, as well as a brief and concise summary of the story. You had also included questions to tempt the readers to read more. I think you could have done better if you had added some significant quotes said by the characters.


Plot: 9/15

Your overall plot was not too bad, refreshing in a way, since I seldom read guy-guy love stories. However, the ideas of being one’s slave to even pretending to be sick are typical drama plots used. Therefore, I was hoping that you could have added more of your own ideas and developments.


Creativity/Originality: 7/10

Same comment as plot since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Flow (speed): 13/15

The flow of your story was quite consistent and developments in the story happened smoothly. However, I just find the falling-in-love part too fast. I was thinking that you could have added more significant events to portray and emphasis on the changes in feelings from Yunho towards Jae Joong and vice versa.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: 2/15

You had a lot of grammatical errors throughout your story. You had used rather simple words and I think you can do better in vocabulary. Punctuation could be improved too. You had really a lot of typo errors. Please do proofread more. With so many unnecessary errors, you showed a lack of care and concern. Please do be more meticulous in your work so that your whole story would appear to be neater and more professional. Do strive on. Examples or errors include:



[1] He have many stalkers and many were obsessed with him. (Foreword) – “He” is singular. So you should have used “has” instead of “have”.



[2] ... will this make their realationship better??? or will it make worst??? (Foreword) – Note that you had firstly misspelled the word “relationship”. Also, after the “…”, you should use capitalization for the first letter of the next word. In addition, you had left out a word, making your question sounding very incoherent. It should be “Or, will this make their relationship worse?” or you could have written “Or, will this worsen their relationship even further?”



[3] chocolates and many other stuffs were delivered to my house although a first I really liked it (Chapter 1) – Typo error. It should be “at” instead of an “a”.



[4] “ Are you alright??? you're like spaced out he whole time” (Chapter 1) – The “you’re” should be capitalized, “You’re”. Also, there is another typo error. It should be “the” and not “he”.



[5] I took a peek at Sungmin's room. He's already sleeping (Chapter 1) – Note the sudden change in tenses (which occurred throughout the story). It should be “He was already sleeping.” Past tense should be used consistently.



[6] Thank you M. Kong. (Chapter 1) – Typo. It should be “Mr. Kong”



[7] And so he girl an away because yunho is so mean. (Chapter 1) – Typo error again. It should be “the girl”.



[8] Why did you bought a very small house Jaejoong?! (Chapter 2) – After modals such as “might” or “will” or “could”, or words like “did” or “do” or “to”, the base form of the following verb should be used. I mean that the following verb should not be in past tense or in “-ing” form. In this case, you should have written, “Why did you buy…?” and not “Why did you bought…?”



[9] Heechul then pi\oint a finger at my face and continue laughing. (Chapter 2) – Typo error. It should be “pointed”. Also, you should use “continued” instead of “continue”. Note your tenses. Past tense should be used consistently.



[10] “To shut you mouth…” (Chapter 2) - Typo error. “To shut your mouth…”



[11] So now your deaf?! (Chapter 2) – Punctuation or typo error. It should be “So now, you’re deaf?” and not “your deaf”.



[12] Go punched me then (Chapter 2) – It should be “punch” since the punching had not occurred.



[13] Argh those girl are really getting on my nerves. (Chapter 3) – Since you used “are”, the noun before that should be in plural form. It should be “girls”.



[14] but Jaejoong if you won’t appea at the gym I’m sure he’ll be beating you up more th next time he’ll see you. (Chapter 3) – Typo errors. It should be “appear” and “the next time”. Please note.



[15] let me first lnd you some clothes (Chapter 3) – Typo error. It should be “find”. Also, capitalize your L for “Let”.



[16] He keeps on ordering stupid, ridiculous things that won’t benefit him or others. (Chapter 5) – Note the sudden change in tenses. You used present (keeps) and then past tense (won’t) so abruptly. Keep to past tense. It should be “He kept on…that won’t benefit him or others.”



[17] I hissed a him n Japanese (Chapter 8) – Typo errors. “I hissed at him in Japanese.”



*Note to Author: The many typo errors are rather annoying. Please keep them to a minimum if you do not wish to deter readers from continue reading. Try your best and do work harder!



Writing Style: 6/10

Your writing style is pretty easy to comprehend. It is rather neat too. However, please do use more proper Standard English and add in more details to further spice up your story. There are few descriptions. If you are using a foreign language, I suggest for you to add the English translations in brackets after the sentences in the foreign languages.


Characterization: 6.5/10

Characterisation was not very well done. Their personalities can be seen on the most basic level. As for their feelings and thoughts, you did include them. However, you could have done better if you describe more about their appearances and added in more of their tones, body languages and facial expressions. All of these could have helped in enhancing the characterisation.


Setting/Details: 5.5/10

As I have mentioned earlier, you did not include many details and descriptions. You did try perhaps. For example, you mentioned the “geeky glasses”. However, you could have done better by describing its colour and the size of its lens. You could have also described more about how it looked on Jae Joong, truly transforming him from a handsome young man into a shy-looking and nerdy guy who appeared to be introverted and only interested in books.


Subtotal: 59.5/100


Bonus: 4.5/5

I am a BIG fan of DBSK and Super Junior! However, I deducted zero point five since I found your font colours chosen were too light, especially against the colorful and striking background. I hope you can change your fonts to darker shades of colours.


Total: 64/100

Labels: th1rd3ye

Author: Ana

Story Title: Raindrops

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~ While I think it could have been a little more creative, it’s definitely good enough for a one-shot and it carries creativity as well as interest.



Poster/Background: 3/5 ~ I didn’t think everything needed to be so dark because it wasn’t necessarily a depressing story; it was more the opposite where the girl realizes that she deserves better. I don’t feel like the graphics encompassed the mood of the story.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ I liked this a lot because I feel like forewords are not supposed to be long. They’re supposed to catch and hold onto your interest and that one sentence was able to do both. Next time, put the copyrights at the bottom so it’s more formal.



Plot: 12/15 ~ I wish you could’ve gone a little more in depth with your plot. Overall, it was well developed and interesting but I think you could have done the storyline more justice and elaborated more on the background of the story; I know this is a one-shot but readers are more likely to enjoy a story when they understand and “feel” the entire thing and not just a random part, you know what I mean? It just feels like we’re supposed to be sympathizing with this girl even though we have no idea what had been happening all those years and what she’s like.



Originality: 17/20 ~ I’m not going to go into the originality part because needless to say, it wasn’t he most creative storyline ever. However, you did make up for it because your storytelling was very unique and made the story more interesting.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 14/15 ~ Wow, I’m impressed. I didn’t find many (or barely any) spelling/grammar/punctuation etc. whatever. The only small part that left me confused for a bit was the very end where it was like



“The girl may have had what she thought she wanted, and the girl may have once been her enemy, but now she wanted so much to thank her.”



It wasn’t very clear who the “girl” you were referring to was. Maybe a better wording could have been:



“That girl may have had what she thought she had wanted, that very girl may have once been her enemy as well but now, she just wanted so much to thank her.”



Detail: 4/5 ~ For a one-shot, there was a decent amount of detail in there. However, like I’ve mentioned, I do feel like more background info as well as more elaborate descriptions could have been given; imagery really does do wonders.



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ Overall, I enjoyed your writing style. It was clear and refreshing while giving me a sense of who the characters were at the same time. I only wish that next time, you add more literary devices to your storytelling and widen your choice of vocabulary.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I really did like the way it ended; I just wish that I could have read a bit more. I feel like the story wasn’t very complete because it didn’t have it didn’t have that detail and background that could’ve made it even better.



Bonus: 5/5 ~ Here are the bonus points for the heck of it but hey, I have a question for you. When I received the request, I noticed that your email is duuckkiiee…I remember a winglin writer who went by that name once and I really liked one of her stories. Have you ever, by any chance, written a story about Hebe Tian and Aaron Yan?



Total: 87/100

Labels: Rachi