Author: mbwzy

Story Title: Rebirth+

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/rol/

Reviewer: Rachi@ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 ~ I liked it and it did have to do with the story but when I think of rebirth, the first thing that pops into mind is having to do with something religious or something serious like that and I don’t think it fit the mood in the story very well. Still, it was pretty attention grabbing which is what the title is supposed to be like.



Poster/Background: 4/5 ~ I absolutely loved the poster, it’s so cute! But although it was pretty adorable, it didn’t fit your mood at all! Next time requesting, make sure to make a note about your story’s mood and theme so the designers can know exactly what you’re looking for.



Forewords: 8/10 ~ What’s up with the complete lack of punctuation? I know this is supposed to be addressed later but that just turned me off completely. Anyways, back to your actual foreword. If you can manage to overlook the horrible punctuation, it’s not bad. The thing is, there was a little too much summarizing and not enough attention grabbers in there to invite readers in.



Plot: 12/15 ~ I like the idea behind your story, I think it’s unique and it’s pretty exciting. I was confused in a lot of places though because a) no spacing (just can’t get over this) and b) how the reincarnation part was extremely complex. The idea was good, just more clarification next time.



Originality: 19/20 ~ I saw some elements in the story that have appeared in many, many, countless others but the reincarnation was unique.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 5/15 ~ The grammar, punctuation, and spelling pretty much took 99% away from the story itself. No spacing, random capitalization, weird commas and periods, run on sentences, awkward sentence structuring and many misspelled words made the story a mess. The idea of the story and the plot itself was so good, but I barely got to enjoy (or pretty much even understand) half of it because the format was just crazy. I believe many, many readers are missing out on this opportunity to read your wonderful story but I can see what turns them off; when the story is utterly unreadable, they give up.



Detail: 2/5 ~ Detail just wasn’t there. Your sentences were more like statements than anything else and I couldn’t get a mental image of anything in my head, nothing.



Writing Style: 6/10 ~ I like your choice of words and the language because they make the story flow so nicely but besides that, all I could see in this story was a mess of letters. Paragraph format and the space bar are your friends sweetie, don’t be scared to use them



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10 ~ I love the plot and I love your ideas but the way you wrote them and the crazy grammar you used just took so much of that away, it was disappointing.



Bonus: 4/5 ~ Try for more comment replies next time, okay?



Total: 69/100

Labels: Rachi