Author: RAINxclouds

Story Title: Rather

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/RATHER__/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~ I like how nice and simple the title was, sometimes its things like these that really get readers’ attention. It was a little confusing at first to relate it to your story but then I started getting it as I read on.



Poster/Background: 4/5 ~ The overall feel of it was a little too dark for my tastes. I know the story is a tragedy and all but the poster could’ve left a little to the imagination instead of straight-away stating “this story is sad and dark.” Besides, I couldn’t even tell that it was Taemin right away haha.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ The forewords itself was very good, I liked how it gave you a sneak-peek into the story, almost like an excerpt, and was attention-grabbing at the same time. One thing was the format. I think your actual foreword should have been laid out differently from your authors note at the bottom and the cast/intro at the top so that it’s clearer (ex. Double spacing just for the foreword and not for the rest of it)



Plot: 14/15 ~ This plot reminds me of movies that I’ve seen that have similar story lines (like ghost?) but I really liked the way you told it, I think it was great. I liked how I didn’t know she was actually dead until the last few sentences right before you told me; the element of surprise is always good in a story. I was sitting there, thinking “gosh Taemin is such a jerk” and then by the end of it I was crying. The characters Jinki, Chanchan, and Joolee could’ve been introduced a bit more because they seemed really random, like they just popped out of nowhere. I also wish you elaborated a little more in the end.

“She fell with him as he dove. He went head-first into the seas that had claimed her life. She protected him from a fate similar to hers.”

A little blunt, don’t you think? And wait, I thought she couldn’t touch him…

Originality: 18/20 ~ I’ve seen similar plots in both stories and movies before, the element of death and ghosts are prevalent in many stories, but I enjoyed how you told it overall. If you incorporated a little more detail in the story however, it would’ve made up for the lack of originality.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ The spelling and vocabulary was very good, I liked your choice of words. There were some issues with punctuation:



“As she disappeared into oblivion, Yunni looked at Taemin again, calling his name, and confessing her love to him for the last time.”



There are a lot of unnecessary commas in there and wrong tenses; “confessing” should be “confessed.” I think you’ll find a few of these punctuation and grammar mistakes throughout the story.



Detail: 3/5 ~ One major thing that was lacking from this story was detail. I understand that it’s a oneshot so you don’t want it to be too long but much more detail could have been incorporated into the length that you were working with easily and would’ve added so much more to the story.



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ The double spacing got tiring after awhile. There would’ve been A LOT of run-on sentences had you left out the double spacing and while it does give the story a movie-script/dialogue feel to it, too much makes it look like you’re trying to cover up the sentence format.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I absolutely loved your story overall, I just hate tragedies and this one definitely one but it was still good because I was most definitely surprised and I liked the way you told the story.



Bonus: 5/5 ~ Bonus for replying to comments and including little author’s notes in chapters.



Total: 89/100

Labels: Rachi