Author: Midniite

Story Title: I Love My Family

Story URL: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2734931/1/I_Love_My_Family

Reviewer: Rachi@ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 ~ Fits the story? Yes. Creative? No.



Poster/Background: N/A



Forewords: 9/10 ~ This made me laugh. It didn’t really give a huge glimpse into what the story will be like but it did a good job of introducing all the characters, although maybe there were a little too many? I had issues remembering them all.



Plot: 13/15 ~ Extremely, extremely random :] I think that pretty much describes it. It was definitely hilarious, I liked how you characterized all the people in the family, my faves were David, Aiden and Suki. At some points I had trouble following the storyline because it was just SO random! The story could’ve been better by following a central plot instead of pretty much a completely different plot for each chapter.



Originality: 20/20 ~ I feel like I should give you 100 out of 20. This story was for sure, unlike anything I have ever read. It wasn’t cliché and was just downright funny :]



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ Grammer was okay although there was a lot of awkward word order. If you read through it carefully, I think you’ll find some spelling mistakes here and there. Nothing major though. There were some issues with punctuation, like run-on sentences but vocabulary was perfect. The word choice was great and really gave personality to the characters.



Detail: 4/5 ~There weren’t tons of detail, just enough to give the reader a sense of the environment and the characters. You did more “telling” instead of “showing. There was a lot more dialogue used than anything else, this would make a great play :]



Writing Style: 9/10 ~ I liked your writing style mainly because the format was clear, with a lot of humor. You could have italicized some more though, I think that would have made it easier to distinguish between a character’s thoughts and their actual actions.



Overall Enjoyment: 8/10 ~ I really liked how this story made me laugh. I was just sitting here reading it and all of a sudden I’ll burst out laughing and people will look at me. I think the personalities of the characters really shone through and made them all really unique, which also made me happy :] As I’ve mentioned, I had trouble following the story plot so it didn’t make some plots as enjoyable as it could have been.



Bonus: 3/5 Two points for the little messages/intros at the beginning of each chapter, they tend to make readers feel more connected to the author. One point for replying once to comments, work on that a little more.



Total: 83/95*

Labels: Rachi