Author: Susan Lee

Story Title: But No R

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan3/

Reviewer: Rachi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5 ~Woah, I feel like I should give you waaaay more than five points because it was SO creative! I didn’t know what it mean at first and I thought the “R” was for rated and I was like….waiit…



Poster/Background: 5/5 ~ I really liked the poster, it was so serene and calm but super cute at the same time. I was wondering where the girl was at first haha but I guess she’s not on there. The background was good too, it blended in pretty well and I didn’t have to highlight to read the font which made me incredibly happy.



Forewords: 9/10 ~ This was pretty creative as well, it made me laugh :] I had issues understanding who was who, mostly because I don’t know Yesung that well from SJ, but that’s just me. The formatting was a bit weird too because I didn’t know when the foreword started and when your little messages began because it was all double spaced. Maybe use a little more “-----“ next time to indicate which part is the foreword and which part is from you?



Plot: 15/15 ~ So I’ve mentioned that I don’t know Yesung that well but after reading your story, I just love him :] I feel like I know him personally now because of how well you characterized him. He really has a great personality, although I wish you could have descriped Yoobin’s character a little more, to do a little more “showing” instead of “telling.” I liked that the mood in this story is very carefree and joyful throughout and the best part was that it was absolutely hilarious in a very cute kind of way :] It wasn’t particularly dramatic && didn’t have me wondering what was going to happen next (except for the But No R part) but it was cute.



Originality: 17/20 ~ You made it your own with humor and creativity in that they became friends at a yogurt shop. Yesung cornering her in the alley seemed cliché at first but then it was like “ahh he’s hilarious.” I feel like although this story made me laugh and I liked it a lot, it wasn’t all that unique.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ The grammer was pretty good, although there were parts where you should’ve just double spaced on to a new paragraph as well as some run-on sentences. Spelling was perfect (I was so confused at the “foreve” part then I was like ahhh I gotcha). Punctuation was okay, though there were some extra periods and hyphens where they didn’t need to be. Vocabulary was mainly plain, non-descriptive words but I liked how they fit the mood just right because the mood is light and you wouldn’t have wanted really heavy, serious words anyways.



Detail: 2/5 ~ Detail wasn’t really there at all. This sort of bothered me because I couldn’t picture anything mentally as I read, except for maybe the looks on the characters’ faces. It was mainly dialogue, sort of like a script for a play where it’s meant to be acted out.



Writing Style: 8/10 ~ I gave this an eight because I liked the very clear dialogue and straightforward descriptions of the characters and their actions. However some parts confused me because I didn’t really know who said what. There definitely could have been more description and elaboration involved.



Overall Enjoyment: 9/10 ~ Despite everything I’ve said, I still really liked this story. It was for sure, a comedy and everything that Yesung did just made me laugh. I liked how I didn’t know him at all first but then right after I read a little more, I felt like I knew him personally. I liked all the little pieces of humor you added in and it really made the story more interesting and readable.



Bonus: 3/5 ~I like authors that include little messages before each chapter because it makes readers feel like they’re reading something from an author with a great personality. I didn’t give you the full points because I wish you did a bit more responding to comments, which is what bonuses are mainly for.



Total: 86/100



Great job :]

Labels: Rachi