Author: iluvjaejoongie
Story Title: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/lovemetomorrow/
Reviewer: Nanashi @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

*Dear Author, I apologize if my review is too rude-sounding or harsh or may sound unfair, but please know that I only did this to help you.

Title: 3/5
I know that this may sound a bit mean, but this isn't very original to me. But it's not because the title sucks, it really doesn't, but it's
1) Predictable
2) I've seen this title or saying maybe a few times
I will say though, for a story that is based on a movie, it is quite impressive that you didn't title it the name of a character and got it up on your own. It fits to the mood and I'm preparing myself to feel angst, so that was great.

Poster/Background: 5/5
Love your background and the words, I can see them clearly even when I'm reading on my iPad, iPod, cell phone, or computer. The white doesn't shine out like how it would with a color such as yellow, so the white and gray are good. The pictures in the poster don't seem very HD, but then again if you don't look too closely it seems perfectly fine. Just as the title and background, it fits the mood I'm preparing myself to be and it's beautiful. Plus it shows the main characters.

Forewords: 9/10
I must say I am very impressed with your forewords and how neat and clean it is. Despite how I usually see
Title:
Genre:
Pairings:
Rate:
...
I still can be comfortable with reading what you have. And even though there are some grammar and vocabulary mistakes, I'll save that for your punctuation. Other then that, your forewords was clean and had the appropriate information.

Plot: 13/15
The plot is great, but also very cliche. I know it's based on a movie, so I didn't take off any points for this section. Your plot, to my dismay, is very predictable at one moment but the way you have your characters react is a whole different thing I usually don't see. Sure, I see a lot of girls loving one man, crying to death or losing it once the news comes, and when a new man comes in their somewhat happy and they move on. But with Taeyeon you have you express in chapters of how much she loves and can't live to not see Kame, but Jaejoong is also someone she will cherish. Usually you don't need to tell the reader that if you have such a typical story, but I was surprised you still went for that extra mile in writing so and how Jaejoong is going to be there for her. At first I was a bit taken aback at how Jaejoong was a main character, but his love for Taeyeon seem too much of a sub-plot. However, when the story progressed, more of Jaejoong came and his feelings were shown without a word but with the action and writing you put in this plot.

Originality: 17/20
I really am disappointed to tell you this, but I think once I read the title, saw your poster, and read only half of the forewords I knew what was going to happen throughout this story. But, the way you wrote in the third person point of view was magnificent! Usually 3POVs are boring or you don't get into the character much often. Or worse, the person adds too many things that aren't needed. And even though you wrote this version, you still got it based of a movie. Although, the way you wrote certain scenes made my heart either clench or melt. Like the recorder scenes, Taeyeon going to Kame's place in Japan, the memories at the villa, and pretty much every moment with Jaejoong and Taeyeon seemed so unique in a way. It's a little hard to explain, but usually the person in love with the girl is usually quiet or sometimes cold, but you as an author and Jaejoong made it clear to the reader that he clearly loved Taeyeon.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15
Your writing and vocabulary is very great. However, there are some glitches here and there.
In your forewords, you wrote, "Annyeong." I know that many people aren't dumb and would have figured what that meant in its specific language, but I think, at the end of every entry, you could have a translation bar. Usually people have it on the top or bottom, I suggest the bottom because when the reader reads a Korean or any language word, they can finish the chapter and look down if. Also, if you do a translation bar, do something like this if you can't italic the word, "*Mianhae" and in the bar you can have "**Translation". I NEVER suggest you write the translations in between the story or "-word-(trans)", it distracts the reader and their interests in the story tilts. Also for fun, in the translation bar you can have the word and inside the () have the pronunciation. You don't have to, and probably shouldn't, but if you sure that is how it sounds, go right ahead.
In your forewords, you wrote, "...and the strong bond between he has with his friends and family."
It should be, "...and the strong bond between his friends and family."
Or, "...and the strong bond he has with his friends and family."
In Taeyeon's information, you wrote, "...who's life changes..."
It should be, "...WHOSE life changes..."
The word "who's" is a contraction of "who is" and "who has". The other word "whose" is a possessive for of who (or, occasionally, which).
All around the story, you have a lot of "her and..."
The correct way to write this would be, "she and..."
For example, it would sound a bit odd if you wrote, "Her and her mom..." Which you did do multiple times.
When it sounds better with, "She and her mom."
This is commonly mistaken like the sentence, "Me and him."
When the correct way is, "He and I."
In chapter one you wrote, "'I know.' She reassured. 'And nothing’s going to get bad.' She reminded and finally smiled."
The correct way to write these sentences would be, "'I know,' she reassured. 'And nothing's going to get bad,' she reminded and finally smiled."
Or it could have just been, "'I know,' she reassured, 'and nothing's going to get bad.'"
In chapter one, you wrote, "Taeyeon, I don’t know what will happen in the future or make any promises about anything. But, at this moment and in for the rest of my life all I can guarantee is that my love for you will never change..."
It should be written as, "Taeyeon, I don't know what will happen in the future, nor can I make any promises about anything, but, in this moment and for the rest of my life, all I can guarantee is that my love for you will never change..."
Or to make this anything other than a one long sentence, "Taeyeon, I know that I don't know what will happen in the future and I can't make any promises. But, in this moment and for the rest of my life, all I can guarantee is that my love for you will never change..."
In chapter two, you wrote, "Since, Kame was unable to walk anymore, and spent his days in a wheelchair."
It should be written as, "Since then, Kame was unable to walk anymore, and spent his days in a wheelchair."
In chapter two, you wrote, "It was undoubted that Jaejoong had the same feelings Kame has for Taeyeon..."
When is should be written as, "It was undoubted that Jaejoong had the same feelings Kame HAD for Taeyeon..." Since you are writing in past tense, you need to make sure that the story doesn't keep popping up with present tense.
In chapter two you have a glitch on, “Oh, it’s nothing. I was just
thinking back to the year when all of us met back in Busan.
Everything just seemed so carefree back then.” It's nothing really, I mean you can change it any time but just warning you.
In chapter two you wrote, "The three girls had suffered from a disastrous train ride, and was now having troubles..."
It should be written as, "The three girls had suffered from a disastrous train ride, and were now having trouble..." When you're talking about more than one person you use "were" instead of "was".
In chapter four you just had one of those small glitches, "...so that Kame could Taeyeon whatever it was..."
Of course you probably know this, but it should be written as, "...so that Kame could tell Taeyeon whatever it was..."
In chapter four another glitch, "Taking Quick breaths..."
"Taking quick breaths..."
You have other things too but they are pretty much the same glitches I have shown you so far, which you could always change, so I won't get all ninja on you for the rest.
In chapter six, you wrote, "...then he’d rather HER stay with Kame."
It should be written as, "...then he'd rather SHE stay[ed] with Kame."
In chapter 8 you wrote, "...and it’s for us too..."
It should be, "...and IT IS for us too..."


Detail: 4/5
The detail is very well written, which is hard to find these days so bravo. I can see somethings were wrong in your sentences in these details, however, your writing had feeling and the details you wrote weren't just details.

Writing Style: 9/10
Your writing style is very great, in my opinion if you ever wrote fan fiction. In my opinion of a book, I'd say it is worth the challenge for you. Your writing style is not only good in the English language, but you can have the character's thoughts and feelings touch the reader without having the first point of view thing going on. Your writing is also very neat and clean, not too drastic with exclamation points, which I don't mind, but this is so much more relaxing yet the calmness in your story has me worried, in a good way. In a good way because I'm responding to your story.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10
I must admit I don't know who Kame is, I haven't seen Yuuki, I didn't know there was such a couple of Jaejoong/Taeyeon, or the rest of the couples. However, I feel you had each character and moment set at an almost perfect pace and it was very refreshing since I usually read crazy-angst or the typical comedy drama. Although it was a bit calm for what I'm used to, I'm glad it's your calmness I read.

Bonus: 5/5
Full score for making me a fan of either pairings you have in this fic, it is truly wonderful. I love your style in writing with the calmness and the poster/bg helps me fit into the mood.

Total: 88/100

*A/N: As you can see, I have a thing with grammar/punctuation, but don't be phased by that score, pretty much everyone gets a low score on that. Even I'm not the best at it. Though I must say, this was a great story for my very first review. I need say that I'm honored. I will admit, I doubted you at first, but then again I'm like that with every single thing I encounter. I hope you continue to write, no matter what other goals you want or are good at, because I can tell you have the potential and you will become even better. Whether it be angst, romance, or a best friend loving a girl who's taken, I have a feeling you will reach higher. Thank you for requesting Shredded Hearts and hope to see you again, Ms. iluvjaejoongie. - Nanashi

Labels: Nanashi