Author: xiaoreine
Story Title: Daisy
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/54380/daisy-oneshot-korean-nichkhun-oneshot-romance
Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 4/5 The title is simple, yet it embodies the theme of the story nicely. Good job!

Poster/Background: 3/5 Your poster is really nice, but I feel that your background is a little plain. Though, since it’s on Asian fanfics, is there no other choice?

Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords is really nice; I like that the characters were introduced, and I also like how your teaser was interesting. However, I feel like it gives a pretty good understanding of your story already; you’ve already introduced the conflict that is going to happen. Perhaps a shorter preview next time would be better.

Plot: 10/15 Your plot is simple, cute, yet it is quite lengthy. The plot spans a couple of weeks, making the story drag a bit. If you could, also, to make your story more interesting, you could add in another person’s point of view, to give the story a bit more depth.

Originality: 15/20 This story is not really original in the love triangle, or the childhood friend part. However, the original part is the way they met, and the way his love story played out. This storyline was quite interesting, and pretty original.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15 Your grammar, overall, is pretty good, though you do have some mistakes. Some examples:

Original: So why did I feel like I had already missed her?
Should be: So why did I feel like I already missed her? (You don’t need the word had)

Original: But before I was able to enjoy the cool feeling on my hand for more than a mere two seconds…
Should be: But before I was able to enjoy the cool feeling on my hand for more than two seconds… (You don’t need ‘a mere’)

You have some problems with extraneous words. Another problem is the parts where you compare them to dogs; those parts all have some type of grammar problem; you should go over those parts again. I liked your usage of the word misandrist. It’s the first time I’ve seen that word in a fanfiction. If you can, you can try to expand your vocabulary to use more words like misandrist, as that brings interest into your story.

Detail: 2/5 Your details about all three of the characters could be improved on, since I couldn’t really see anything besides the short description of the girl in the forewords. You could also add in a bit more description to balance out your actions and dialogue.

Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is pretty balanced, nice and easy. I like how your story flows easily, which is very important. Just add in more descriptions of everything from the characters to the setting. But not over the top!

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10 this story was attention-grabbing and nice to read, and your storyline was one that I really liked.

Bonus: 3/5 Thank you for requesting from Shredded Hearts!

Total: 72/100

Labels: morning_glory