Author: xiaoxi
Story Title: Love Bye Love [Completed]
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/lovebyelove/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3/5

The title is simple and a little too common. However, since it is a song title, people can relate to it more easily.



Poster/Background: 4.5/5

Simple yet the overall appearance enhances the mood and atmosphere of the story. Nice! The background is a little plain though.


Forewords: 8.5/10

I like your foreword. The brief interactions between the couple will definitely lure readers into reading on to find out more. I would think that if there were more significant quotes added in, or descriptions of the settings, or even basic information about the characters, the foreword will be perfect. Do strive on!


Plot: 13.5/15

I like the plot. You had your own ideas planted in and the development of the story was somewhat predictable but there always was another element which differentiated your story from the other stories with the similar plot. I would like it better if reasons for Ayumi’s return to Yun Ho and her departure were better explained. Why choose two years after? Why didn’t she share her troubles and sadness with Yun Ho though they were married?


Originality: 18.5/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

Past tense should be used consistently. Other than that, your command of the English language is pretty good. In addition, you have used varied sentence structures. There is always room for improvement for vocabulary. Examples of errors include:



[1] Yunho smiled as his glances travelled from his work to the stunningly beautiful male that is cooking lunch in his kitchen. (Chapter 1) – It should be “…who was cooking lunch in his kitchen.” Past tense should be used consistently. Plus, Jae Joong is a human being, so I feel that it is more apt to use “who” instead of “that”.



[2] seeing that Yunho hasn’t came in, Jaejoong switched off the flame at the stove and walked out of the kitchen. (Chapter 1) – “hadn’t” should be used.



[3] Snapping back, Ayumi looked at Jiyool who is playing with a strand of her hair. (Chapter 1)– Similar error. “Was” should be used instead of “is”.



[4] Something within Yunho felt like its melting as he watched her walk away with tiny steps. (Chapter 1) – I guess that it is a typo. It should be “it’s”.



Detail: 4/5

There is a little lack of details which leads me to my questions about the plot. Plus, it would be better if you could describe a little more about the gifts to Yun Ho, the characters’ emotions and tones. Doesn’t Jiyool feel weird with two fathers?


Writing Style: 9/10

Organised and neat, your writing style is pretty good. Everything is quite clear. I would love it if you could add in more details and more emotions.


Overall Enjoyment: 9/10



Bonus: 5/5

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Total: 87/100

Labels: th1rd3ye