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Just Another Cinderella Story
Sunday, September 26, 2010, 9:50 AM
Author: grapestrawberry
Story Title: `` Just Another Cinderella Story ``
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/grapestrwberryA/
Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 3/5 Your title is a bit generic, but it implies that your story isn’t original; though there are elements of the Cinderella story, your story is still pretty unique.

Poster/Background: 3/5 Your poster is very nice, but the background would be better if it was a different design instead of the poster, just faded. Your words are sort of hard to see, maybe if the background was a deeper purple. But it’s very nice, regardless.

Forewords: 8/10 Your forewords are pretty okay, you have a nice summary and a good character introduction. However, I would like a teaser with dialogue from the story, to interest the readers more.

Plot: 13/15 Your plot was really good, it was really exciting with all of the love interests. The balance between dialogue and description is okay, but I would like more descriptions in the future.

Originality: 17/20 As I said, though there are similar ‘Cinderella’ stories, yours makes it unique with a costume party, the love interests, and how she encourages her friend to pursue love as well.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 10/15 You have some grammar problems, I will point a few of them out here. Your spelling and punctuation are good, your vocabulary could use more improvement.

The door opened and my mom went in with a tray in her hands.
Should be: The door opened and my mom came in with a tray in her hands.

In my opinion, she looked way better than me with those white tank top and black shorts, matched with black and white patterned high-cut converse.

Should be: In my opinion, she looked way better than me with a/her white tank top and black shorts, paired with black and white patterned high-cut converses.

Detail: 4/5 You have very good details, you outline everything nicely. I can see what the girls are wearing, what the situation is, etc. Very good!

Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is good, just continue working on balancing description with dialogue. More description, less dialogue, or you can just add more description.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10 Your story was very cute, and I enjoyed it. :)

Bonus: 5/5 Thanks for writing such a cute story, and thank you for requesting from Shredded Hearts! Good luck on your future stories!

Total: 81/100

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