Author: xherodbskx
Story Title: That Red String of Fate
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/redstringofate/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5

I like this simple and beautiful title. However, red string is a common thread of link to Fate used like almost everywhere. SO this title may appear too common that readers will not click on it.



Poster/Background: -/5

I cannot judge you on this. So your total score will be upon 95 instead.


Forewords: 6.5/10

Your foreword is too short and it only focuses on the main male lead. I would like to know more about the female lead too. The story is summarized within the descriptions about the male character already. I think it was good work but more is needed to make this an enthralling foreword. Strive on.


Plot: 13.5/15

Your plot is pretty unique. However, it seemed that you are linking the past and present, something like reincarnation. I shall give you the benefit of doubt. I just thought that the plot would be more exciting if there were more interactions and more obvious twists. The hints in the story helped to build up suspense but do include some obvious twists which could entertain the readers as well. Good work, overall!


Originality: 18/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

Main problem would be the inconsistent use of tenses. Other than that, everything was pretty good.



[1] Even without the power he possesses, Jin Woon could see the thin red string connecting them together. – You should use “possessed” since you are to use past tense consistently.



[2] No, he can never do that. (Chapter 1) – No, he could never do that.



[3] Every moment the two blissful lovers spend together stabbed him in the heart. He looked way better next to Jini than any other boy- at least that's what he feels. (Chapter 1)- Past tense should be used consistently.



[4] It was so ironic that everything he believed in contradicted what he possesses. (Chapter 2) – “possessed”



[5] No matter what she says, he was never going to let go. (Chapter 2) – “said”



[6] Sung Jini smoothen her pink silk hanbok as she smiled sadly at Tae Hoon. (Chapter 2) – “smoothened’



[7] Well I have to go or my dad with blow a cow (Chapter 4) – I suppose you mean “my dad will blow a cow”.



[8] Some say she was a witch, others said she played men for their pockets. (Chapter 4) – “said”



Detail: 5/5

Lovely details you had provided in the story, they were sufficient and apt, and not that exaggerated. Loved it.


Writing Style: 10/10

Yes, the “transport” part was indeed confusing. However, your writing style was beautiful. The paragraphing and sentence structures all were alright. The descriptions and details added made the story more vivid and life-like. The pace of the story was great and the story flowed smoothly. Wonderful!


Overall Enjoyment: 10/10



Bonus: 5/5

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Total: 84/95

Labels: th1rd3ye