Author: Gril4Life
Story Title: My Private Tutor
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PrivateTutor/
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 3/5

The title relates to the story but merely is too simple. A title needs to be eye catching so when you’re going through a whole list of titles, you can tell if that story will be interesting or not. But other than that, everything’s good.


Poster/Background: 3/5

The poster suited the mood, nothing is wrong with it but the background was a tad annoying since the background colour is pink and the font colour is white, it didn’t match well. I had to highlight the text at times to able to read it. A solution is to change the font colour to an appropriate colour.


Forewords: 8/10

First of all, I’m glad you had a preview and plot summary but adding a character description of the main characters would be good. Also, it’s not good to just list all of the characters. Just list down the main ones and maybe have a separate paragraph for the minor characters. Introducing the characters with just a few sentences is better than just listing them.


Plot: 12/15

It’s a bit cliché, Guigui being the most popular girl in the school, having a boyfriend that she doesn’t love but only uses him for appearance. Then she has to fly over to England and going to a boarding school which there she meets Arron who is her private tutor. Then the rest comes. Make it a twist, change the plot around and do some tweaking because that is what I call an overused plot.



Originality: 18/20

I wouldn’t say it’s all that original like I said above but you made a few things interesting to read like the call to Rainie’s mother in the first chapter and a few other things. As for creativity, sadly, in my opinion, it’s not creative as much as it should be and I’m pretty sure you can do better than that.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

Your grammar was good but I did find some mistakes in your story since it is a chaptered fanfic. There were parts that I didn’t understand well because you left out a word or two which made the sentence just.. not understandable. Not only that, you had misused some words. A quick example is: “I cleared her throat. He stopped playing.” This is incorrect. “I cleared my throat. He stopped playing.” This is the corrected. You need to read over your story.


Detail: 4/5

You had a great amount of information and details on the things you were writing about which is good. I could imagine you story in my head which means you did well on writing the details.



Writing Style: 8/10

I understood your writing and so I didn’t mind even though it’s not my favourite style. At times, I got confused which made you lose some points. A suggestion is to add spacing within each sentence so it makes it easy and clearer when viewing your story. The story was mostly on Guigui’s point of view therefore I deducted marks. A tip is to write about a few point of views, not just one.


Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

I’m a fan of GuiLun, a huge one to be specific.


Bonus: 3/5


Total: 80/100

I’m a strict reviewer so don’t be saddened about the overall total. Jia you!

Labels: dramafreak4eva

Author: xherodbskx
Story Title: That Red String of Fate
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/redstringofate/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5

I like this simple and beautiful title. However, red string is a common thread of link to Fate used like almost everywhere. SO this title may appear too common that readers will not click on it.



Poster/Background: -/5

I cannot judge you on this. So your total score will be upon 95 instead.


Forewords: 6.5/10

Your foreword is too short and it only focuses on the main male lead. I would like to know more about the female lead too. The story is summarized within the descriptions about the male character already. I think it was good work but more is needed to make this an enthralling foreword. Strive on.


Plot: 13.5/15

Your plot is pretty unique. However, it seemed that you are linking the past and present, something like reincarnation. I shall give you the benefit of doubt. I just thought that the plot would be more exciting if there were more interactions and more obvious twists. The hints in the story helped to build up suspense but do include some obvious twists which could entertain the readers as well. Good work, overall!


Originality: 18/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

Main problem would be the inconsistent use of tenses. Other than that, everything was pretty good.



[1] Even without the power he possesses, Jin Woon could see the thin red string connecting them together. – You should use “possessed” since you are to use past tense consistently.



[2] No, he can never do that. (Chapter 1) – No, he could never do that.



[3] Every moment the two blissful lovers spend together stabbed him in the heart. He looked way better next to Jini than any other boy- at least that's what he feels. (Chapter 1)- Past tense should be used consistently.



[4] It was so ironic that everything he believed in contradicted what he possesses. (Chapter 2) – “possessed”



[5] No matter what she says, he was never going to let go. (Chapter 2) – “said”



[6] Sung Jini smoothen her pink silk hanbok as she smiled sadly at Tae Hoon. (Chapter 2) – “smoothened’



[7] Well I have to go or my dad with blow a cow (Chapter 4) – I suppose you mean “my dad will blow a cow”.



[8] Some say she was a witch, others said she played men for their pockets. (Chapter 4) – “said”



Detail: 5/5

Lovely details you had provided in the story, they were sufficient and apt, and not that exaggerated. Loved it.


Writing Style: 10/10

Yes, the “transport” part was indeed confusing. However, your writing style was beautiful. The paragraphing and sentence structures all were alright. The descriptions and details added made the story more vivid and life-like. The pace of the story was great and the story flowed smoothly. Wonderful!


Overall Enjoyment: 10/10



Bonus: 5/5

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Total: 84/95

Labels: th1rd3ye