Author: mbwzy

Story Title: Samurai Warriors

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/samuraiw

Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 The title makes it seem like it would be like an action story, which is pretty different from most of the stories on Winglin. It also fits the story, but doesn’t give away too much of the storyline.



Poster/Background: 3/5 The poster and background fit, but a more uniform background would depict the samurai way of life better; also, the title on the poster is a bit hard to see, which takes away from the aesthetic appeal. The quote could have been in an easier to see font, as well.



Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords are concise, they give the characters and the general plotline. But the plot summary was a bit confusing, mostly because we don’t really know what’s going on yet, so it doesn’t fully make sense as of yet. There were some grammar errors that also affected the overall paragraph.



Plot: 1/15 The plot was pretty good, but Chapter 4 doesn’t fit because it doesn’t connect at all to Chapters 1-3, which confused and threw me off, because now I don’t understand what is going on in the story. In Chapter 5, it mentions that Jiyuu is a vampire, but there was no mention of that before, there’s no connection, so this plot would just not make sense. The rest of the chapters continue in order, but the missing section is really important to connect the two parts together. The more I read, the more I get confused, and I don’t understand half of what is going on, because there is a section missing from the story. Chapter 3 ended with them entering the cave, but Chapter 4 started with the Chosen Ones talking to the Samurai Warriors in the palace; no link or connection whatsoever.



Originality: 15/20 This story is pretty original, there are many interesting components that are new and different, making this story pretty original.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 7/15 Your grammar could use some more work; sometimes, there are some paragraphs that don’t make sense to me at all, which takes me away from the story and confuses me so much that it’s hard to read.



Detail: 1/5 There could have been more detail overall; there wasn’t much to begin with, more adjectives are definitely needed. Describe the characters, the places they go to, even the situations they encounter. Just add more detail to everything.



Writing Style: 5/10 Since it is in script form, it doesn’t give as much detail, and yes, it does rush things because of it. Also, if you wrote it in paragraph format, you could add more details, and actually show the interactions between the characters rather than just listing what happened.



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10 This story was okay, but my main problem with it was that it was too hectic, too busy and confusing.



Bonus: 2/5 Thank you for requesting, and so sorry for the wait!!



Total: 50/100

Labels: morning_glory