Author: neko slave
Story Title: Innocent neko
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/nekoslave/
Reviewer: Kim @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com [that was my name, right? idek. @.@]

*My comments are to help you improve, not piss you off. Please don't take these personally. But If you DO get ticked off by anything I say, just ignore it. Or hate me. I don't really care.*

Title: 2/5

Haha I think it's cute cuz it matches Jaejoong's pic there, but it really could have been better.

Poster/Background: 1/5

The 'poster' is barely really a poster, it's just a picture. But the background is CUTE. ♥
Then I realized that I had to highlight the text in order to read some of the words because the body text is white too, and it blends in with that kitty thing in the corner. Not cool. :\ I say you change the text to black or something so it's easier to read.

Forewards: 3/10

To me, forewords should act as the 'hook' to a story. To draw people in. Yours was just short and unappealing. Though the plot might have interested people a little, it still needs a lot of work.

Plot: 5/15

Can't say I haven't read a story like this before, can't say I have. I think it's a bit too early in the story for me to be judging the plot, but with what you have so far, I think things are pretty predictable. Now that I've said this, I also predict you making like, really big twists in the future chapters somehow. haha. Unless you already have the whole plot mapped out. But idk.

Originality: 5/20

I don't go on winglin often. But I've gotta say I've never read a fanfic with Nekos in them. So to me it's pretty original, I suppose. But with the character having some tragic past story and being enslaved and wanting to escape-- just too cliche.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 5/15

There's constant spelling, and punctuation, and tense mistakes. (And I would point them all out, but I'm sorry to say that there's too many for me to do that.) Your transition is weak, which makes the story kind of bumpy along the way, and your detail is lacking. Your vocabulary seems narrow too, I'd suggest you try and expand on that.

Detail: 2/5

Like I said, your detail is lacking, but I can see that you try in some cases. You're getting there. Work on it.

Writing Style: 5/10

Your writing style isn't bad at all. With a bit more work and practice, I say you'd be able to write better. But right now it seems just a bit--like everyone else's? Go find your inner voice and project it out on your stories when you write. Make it sound unique. Interesting. Don't settle for it just because it sounds good enough just like the others. Always strive to be better.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10

It was a bit too hard for me to enjoy with the constant grammar and spelling mistakes, plus the lack of detail and everything else I mentioned before. But other than that, I think if you just keep working on it, this could be a whole lot better.

I'm not really enjoying much the fact that Jaejoong's only 14 in this fic. I feel like I'm reading child pornography or something. == (Trust me, I've read tons of rated yaoi material, way worse than this, but just. this is a bit wrong.)

Bonus: 2/5

I really like that Jaejoong picture you used? *.* LMFAO.

Plus, the bondage / handcuffs thing, and sadistic Siwon was just ♥. I'm a sucker for those kind of things. haha.

Characterization is okay, it stays constant; Jaejoong is cute. Siwon seems like a complete ass, and Yunho seems confused and really willing to help.

Total: 34/100

Labels: Kim