Author: sujusarang
Story Title: 18 guys live with me
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sujusarang
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 2/5

I really don’t like your title. Yes, it does suit the story but it’s way just too plain and cliché. It tells the whole story in just a few words. You want a title that is eye catching but also gives just a little hint of what the story might be.


Poster/Background: 4/5

I love the poster; it does suit the mood of your story.


Forewords: 5/10

Your forewords just had a quick sentence and question then a whole list of characters. A summary, preview and maybe even a character description of each character would be great. It doesn’t have to be long, just so the readers can understand each character beforehand. You lacked quite a lot of things in your forewords and also had a grammar mistake in your sentence.


Plot: 13/15

All I have to say is that it’s a cliché plot. The girl living with the guys, then falling in love. I have read many similar stories out there like this. A suggestion is just turning and twisting the plot so that it’s more exciting unlike the old cliché plots.


Originality: 17/20

As I said, it’s not really original. You should just ramble your brain for thoughts that will help you story improve. Even adding little things of your own is good; little things may seem like not much but if you add them together, they really do help.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

There were a few mistakes and errors here and there. There wasn’t many spelling mistakes but there were a few grammar mistakes often appearing. You need to read over your story or even get a friend to re-read/check for mistakes. I really think you can use a large range of words than you have used. A few mistakes are:



“Ofcourse”



Correct: Of course



"Your welcome..I hope you'd enjoy with them.”



Correct: “You’re welcome. I hope you’ll enjoy it with them”



“Me and my members are now at the house.”



Correct: “My members and I are now at the house.”



I said with the most loud voice.



Correct: I said with a loud voice.


Detail: 4/5

You had not a lot of detail and characterization but just enough for a normal story. You need to be more descriptive with the characters and also things that happen in the story.


Writing Style: 8/10

Your writing style is okay. It’s understandable although it could be improved. Overall, it’s good. Just keep writing because practice helps. Practise makes perfect ;]


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10


Bonus: 4/5


Total: 77/100



I’m a pretty strict reviewer so don’t get let down! Remember, practice makes perfect J Just keep on writing and writing! Thanks for requesting at Shredded Hearts!

Labels: dramafreak4eva