Author: neko slave
Story Title: Innocent neko
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/nekoslave/
Reviewer: Kim @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com [that was my name, right? idek. @.@]

*My comments are to help you improve, not piss you off. Please don't take these personally. But If you DO get ticked off by anything I say, just ignore it. Or hate me. I don't really care.*

Title: 2/5

Haha I think it's cute cuz it matches Jaejoong's pic there, but it really could have been better.

Poster/Background: 1/5

The 'poster' is barely really a poster, it's just a picture. But the background is CUTE. ♥
Then I realized that I had to highlight the text in order to read some of the words because the body text is white too, and it blends in with that kitty thing in the corner. Not cool. :\ I say you change the text to black or something so it's easier to read.

Forewards: 3/10

To me, forewords should act as the 'hook' to a story. To draw people in. Yours was just short and unappealing. Though the plot might have interested people a little, it still needs a lot of work.

Plot: 5/15

Can't say I haven't read a story like this before, can't say I have. I think it's a bit too early in the story for me to be judging the plot, but with what you have so far, I think things are pretty predictable. Now that I've said this, I also predict you making like, really big twists in the future chapters somehow. haha. Unless you already have the whole plot mapped out. But idk.

Originality: 5/20

I don't go on winglin often. But I've gotta say I've never read a fanfic with Nekos in them. So to me it's pretty original, I suppose. But with the character having some tragic past story and being enslaved and wanting to escape-- just too cliche.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 5/15

There's constant spelling, and punctuation, and tense mistakes. (And I would point them all out, but I'm sorry to say that there's too many for me to do that.) Your transition is weak, which makes the story kind of bumpy along the way, and your detail is lacking. Your vocabulary seems narrow too, I'd suggest you try and expand on that.

Detail: 2/5

Like I said, your detail is lacking, but I can see that you try in some cases. You're getting there. Work on it.

Writing Style: 5/10

Your writing style isn't bad at all. With a bit more work and practice, I say you'd be able to write better. But right now it seems just a bit--like everyone else's? Go find your inner voice and project it out on your stories when you write. Make it sound unique. Interesting. Don't settle for it just because it sounds good enough just like the others. Always strive to be better.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10

It was a bit too hard for me to enjoy with the constant grammar and spelling mistakes, plus the lack of detail and everything else I mentioned before. But other than that, I think if you just keep working on it, this could be a whole lot better.

I'm not really enjoying much the fact that Jaejoong's only 14 in this fic. I feel like I'm reading child pornography or something. == (Trust me, I've read tons of rated yaoi material, way worse than this, but just. this is a bit wrong.)

Bonus: 2/5

I really like that Jaejoong picture you used? *.* LMFAO.

Plus, the bondage / handcuffs thing, and sadistic Siwon was just ♥. I'm a sucker for those kind of things. haha.

Characterization is okay, it stays constant; Jaejoong is cute. Siwon seems like a complete ass, and Yunho seems confused and really willing to help.

Total: 34/100

Labels: Kim

Author: mbwzy

Story Title: Crush On You

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cou

Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3/5 Your title pretty much gives away the theme of your story. I can guess most of what will happen. Try to choose a better title, one that has more meaning to the story.



Poster/Background: 3/5 The poster is really light, so I would suggest that your font be darker; the title is really dark, which makes it easier to see; if you could make the text darker, that would make it better. Your poster is really sweet, and it fits well with your story.



Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords is nice, but the fact that you write what happens between Cyndi and each of the characters in the forewords gives away your story; if you just gave a description of the characters, instead of telling about how she interacts with them, that would be good. Then, you could give a general summary giving a general idea of what is going to happen.



Plot: 8/15 Your plot is slow, it drags. There are many things that are not essential to the plot, which you have added to the story. This makes the story longer, but it also causes readers to become bored with no action or anything. However, in Chapter 20, the dialogue was really close together, making it harder to read. There was less space between each sentence as well, which also made it hard to read. If you separated the dialogue from the paragraphs, like entering after each sentence, that would space it out and allow your readers to read faster, rather than straining to read the scrunched up paragraph.



Originality: 15/20 This story has many original components, the older brother is really interesting and he adds a good twist to your story. However, the beginning was not that original, so I took some points off for that.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 9/15 You have a lot of grammar and spelling problems, as I think you are aware. I won’t point out any, because I’m pretty sure you get the idea already. So, all I want to say is good luck and keep it up!



Detail: 3/5 Your story has a lot of detail already, but if you could describe the settings more, that would “set the stage” for your story.



Writing Style: 7/10 This story started out more like a personal diary, and then slowly progressed into a story. There are many details, but they are mostly excess; unneeded. If you took some of these out, that would make it more like a story. Also, add more dialogue. It’s a good way to get your characters to interact, and also to get information across to your readers as well.



Overall Enjoyment: 6/10 I was losing interest in the story when it started, because it was just going too slow. But, as I read, it got better, so I will give you points for the half I did enjoy :)



Bonus: 3/5 Thank you for requesting from Shredded Hearts, and thank you for your patience. Sorry for the long wait!



Total: 64/100

Labels: morning_glory

Author: arlean19

Story Title: When Two Different Worlds Collide

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/arlean19

Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3/5 The title sounds like it will be about two different people coming from different social groups to fall in love, though they aren’t really that far apart in terms of social class. However, it’s not that creative, and it’s a little too long.



Poster/Background: 4/5 The poster and background match perfectly! The background is nice and simple, it enhances rather than overpowers the poster, which is as it should be. The poster is really nice, it adds a feeling of a dream because they are both faded on the sides. However, the quote in the top left corner is too faded, which makes it hard to see.



Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords were good, you introduced the characters and gave a short summary. However, it would have been better if you could have just described the characters, and saved the summary of what will happen for a general summary.



Plot: 10/15 The plot flows together well, everything fits together, no weird jumps or anything. There are many cute scenes between them, but it seems as if your story is dragging. It’s taken a long time for feelings to develop between the main characters; some people might lose interest because of that. But, be careful not to rush things either. But, as I said, the story flows well, so the dragging doesn’t really inhibit it.



Originality: 12/20 This plot is pretty common; try to add more unique spins, to make it original. Twists, strange outcomes, etc. You had some original ideas, but more would be good, it would distinguish your story from others.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 8/15 You have many grammar and punctuation problems.

For example:

"My manager told me to meet with them. It's about the concert in Japan." Hyun Joong simply said.

Now, since Hyun Joong was supposed to be telling Jaejoong what his manager said, them should be changed to my SS501 members, since that was who he was talking about. And the end, the simply said, should actually just be said, since your readers can see that he’s saying everything clearly. But if you want to put simply, then it should be Hyun Joong said simply. That would be correct grammatically. Make sense?

There are more such problems, so just review your entire story and fix these, or you can ask a beta reader to do it for you. Just go to season-of-mist.blogspot.com, and request.



Detail: 3/5 You could add more detail about the places that they go to, and describe more, just in general. Your characters are depicted really well, but try to show more of each of their different personalities.



Writing Style: 8/10 Your writing style is good, keep improving on everything else; also, go easy on the punctuation. Think of it as a garnish, a finishing touch.



Overall Enjoyment: 8/10 The characters really interested me, and this story sounds pretty good so far. I enjoyed it!



Bonus: 2/5 Thank you for requesting from Shredded Hearts, and thank you for being patient!! Sorry for the wait!



Total: 65/100

Labels: morning_glory

Author: 'Niii
Story Title: Because I Know
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_know/
Reviewer: Darkess @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*

Title: 4/5

It fit the story, but I didn't think that it would have stood out very much on the winglin page.

Poster/Background: 5/5

Beautiful :D the designer is a genius :P

Forewords: 10/10

:O. This forewords really makes the reader want to know what's happened to Taemin. And of course since everybody loves Taemin, this is a fantastic way to grab attention. It was also good that you told the genre of the story as well as the type and characters that are included.

Plot: 15/15

It's hard to develop a good, strong plot within a one shot, but somehow you pulled it off. I loved taking a trip back into the A.mi.go days, and I loved how their relationship developed. adored how Key was the first person he called to, and I cried when they had both died. Amazing.

Originality: 12/20

Sadly, I've seen so many 'falling for the non obsessive fan' plots that I'm sick of them. The same with her 'leaving' and 'dying'. But I thought the him calling to her when he collapsed on stage, and even him dying was a twist that was definitely needed to make it your own.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 15/15

100% perfect as always . Great job Eunnie ^.^

Detail: 2/5

It was hard to picture this story because there was almost no detail within it. The only thing for sure that readers could imagine was the blue envelope that Jaemin's letters came in. I would have liked more detail on settings, characters, and items to imagine the story as you must have better.

Writing Style: 10/10

Absolute love. You have perfect grammar usage so the story flows smoothly, and your writing is easy to follow and understand.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10

You made me tear up. again.

Bonus: 5/5


Total: 88/100

Labels: Darkess

Author: th1rd3ye
Story Title: Fate's Call
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sss_mh_FC/
Reviewer: Darkess @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*

Title: 5/5

I love this title, especially when you put it with your specific definitions. It fit perfectly, and I thought that it would attract many eyes on the winglin page.

Poster/Background: 5/5

Very pretty and nice to look at :D

Forewords: 10/10

I love this style! Everything is so neat and organized. You know what you're looking at. Also, your provided sneak previews don't give away anything in the story, but there is still enough there to reel in the reader.

Plot: 14/15

I thought that the plot was fantastic. I loved her occupation and how she met him, I felt a sting of pain when the tale of how her boyfriend broke up with her was told, and I loved the sister. But I thought that the plot was just a tad bit unrealistic, which made me sad. Sure it was fate that she called him and that they found each other again, but the fact that he recognied her voice threw me off. But overall, completely fantastic.

Originality: 20/20

I've never before seen a plot like this. I've seen a few 'fate' plots, but never one where she dials a random number and then meets him through his sister at her color therapy place. This story was really imaginative and creative. I didn't even know that color and crystal therapy existed before this.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 13/15

You had near perfect grammar throughout the story, and I didn't see any mistakes. But you could work on concise writing. Such as this

These events spooked me out and I made a mental note to remind myself to visit a temple to pray for better luck. (2)

This can be said in much fewer words. Lines like this come up occasionally in your story, and it's easier to read and a little less awkward if these are cut down like

The events spooked me so I made a mental note to visit a temple and pray for luck.

stranger who bother (2)

stranger who bothered

Detail: 4/5

You put in a lot of detail about the colors and the crystals, but you lacked detail in the setting. Now I know that there isn't much that you can put in in a five chapter story, but it was very hard to imagine the setting as you must have seen it.

Writing Style: 9/10

I like how you write. Your stories are easy to follow and understand, and you always add awesome facts and details. I do wish that the writing would have been a bit more concise, but besides that, keep it up! :)

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10

LOVE this story :D

Bonus: 5/5


Total: 95/100

Labels: Darkess

Author: mbwzy

Story Title: Samurai Warriors

Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/samuraiw

Reviewer: morning_glory @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 4/5 The title makes it seem like it would be like an action story, which is pretty different from most of the stories on Winglin. It also fits the story, but doesn’t give away too much of the storyline.



Poster/Background: 3/5 The poster and background fit, but a more uniform background would depict the samurai way of life better; also, the title on the poster is a bit hard to see, which takes away from the aesthetic appeal. The quote could have been in an easier to see font, as well.



Forewords: 7/10 Your forewords are concise, they give the characters and the general plotline. But the plot summary was a bit confusing, mostly because we don’t really know what’s going on yet, so it doesn’t fully make sense as of yet. There were some grammar errors that also affected the overall paragraph.



Plot: 1/15 The plot was pretty good, but Chapter 4 doesn’t fit because it doesn’t connect at all to Chapters 1-3, which confused and threw me off, because now I don’t understand what is going on in the story. In Chapter 5, it mentions that Jiyuu is a vampire, but there was no mention of that before, there’s no connection, so this plot would just not make sense. The rest of the chapters continue in order, but the missing section is really important to connect the two parts together. The more I read, the more I get confused, and I don’t understand half of what is going on, because there is a section missing from the story. Chapter 3 ended with them entering the cave, but Chapter 4 started with the Chosen Ones talking to the Samurai Warriors in the palace; no link or connection whatsoever.



Originality: 15/20 This story is pretty original, there are many interesting components that are new and different, making this story pretty original.



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 7/15 Your grammar could use some more work; sometimes, there are some paragraphs that don’t make sense to me at all, which takes me away from the story and confuses me so much that it’s hard to read.



Detail: 1/5 There could have been more detail overall; there wasn’t much to begin with, more adjectives are definitely needed. Describe the characters, the places they go to, even the situations they encounter. Just add more detail to everything.



Writing Style: 5/10 Since it is in script form, it doesn’t give as much detail, and yes, it does rush things because of it. Also, if you wrote it in paragraph format, you could add more details, and actually show the interactions between the characters rather than just listing what happened.



Overall Enjoyment: 5/10 This story was okay, but my main problem with it was that it was too hectic, too busy and confusing.



Bonus: 2/5 Thank you for requesting, and so sorry for the wait!!



Total: 50/100

Labels: morning_glory

Author: sujusarang
Story Title: 18 guys live with me
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sujusarang
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 2/5

I really don’t like your title. Yes, it does suit the story but it’s way just too plain and cliché. It tells the whole story in just a few words. You want a title that is eye catching but also gives just a little hint of what the story might be.


Poster/Background: 4/5

I love the poster; it does suit the mood of your story.


Forewords: 5/10

Your forewords just had a quick sentence and question then a whole list of characters. A summary, preview and maybe even a character description of each character would be great. It doesn’t have to be long, just so the readers can understand each character beforehand. You lacked quite a lot of things in your forewords and also had a grammar mistake in your sentence.


Plot: 13/15

All I have to say is that it’s a cliché plot. The girl living with the guys, then falling in love. I have read many similar stories out there like this. A suggestion is just turning and twisting the plot so that it’s more exciting unlike the old cliché plots.


Originality: 17/20

As I said, it’s not really original. You should just ramble your brain for thoughts that will help you story improve. Even adding little things of your own is good; little things may seem like not much but if you add them together, they really do help.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

There were a few mistakes and errors here and there. There wasn’t many spelling mistakes but there were a few grammar mistakes often appearing. You need to read over your story or even get a friend to re-read/check for mistakes. I really think you can use a large range of words than you have used. A few mistakes are:



“Ofcourse”



Correct: Of course



"Your welcome..I hope you'd enjoy with them.”



Correct: “You’re welcome. I hope you’ll enjoy it with them”



“Me and my members are now at the house.”



Correct: “My members and I are now at the house.”



I said with the most loud voice.



Correct: I said with a loud voice.


Detail: 4/5

You had not a lot of detail and characterization but just enough for a normal story. You need to be more descriptive with the characters and also things that happen in the story.


Writing Style: 8/10

Your writing style is okay. It’s understandable although it could be improved. Overall, it’s good. Just keep writing because practice helps. Practise makes perfect ;]


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10


Bonus: 4/5


Total: 77/100



I’m a pretty strict reviewer so don’t get let down! Remember, practice makes perfect J Just keep on writing and writing! Thanks for requesting at Shredded Hearts!

Labels: dramafreak4eva