Author: purple_silent
Story Title: ♥THE RANSOM♥{COMPLETED}
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/yunnieshhi/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3.5/5

This title is relatively interesting but not to the extent whereby it will ‘wow’ people.

Poster/Background: 4/5

The poster is alright but the background made it a little hard to read. Quotes on the poster made the poster more meaningful and can help to enhance the story’s mood to a higher extent.

Forewords: 7/10

The foreword was too short. It did include a brief summary of the story and the main character and her significant traits. The foreword could be better if you include some brief details about Yunho as well. In addition, you could add some significant quotes or sneak previews to better bring out the story’s mood and essence. The questions placed help to intrigue readers. Good attempt and do strive on.

Plot: 10/15

The plot was rather typical, with common dramatic twists. What I liked was that the main female character really married Si Won. Normally, in dramas, the female lead will use every single way and not marry that person. Nice ending too! I like the way whereby your definition of “ransom” in the story was unique. Do work harder!

Originality: 12.5/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 9/15

There was an inconsistent usage of tenses. Vocabulary can be further built up. Examples of errors include:

[1] But the silver lining came when her ill fate turned to a chance at love...with one her kidnappers. (Foreword) – You left out the word “of” which should be placed between the words “one” and “her” to make the sentence grammatically correct and complete.

[2] Maybe he already knew about it, and maybe he was now thinking of another place to work in, for the day he would soon get fired is coming near. (Chapter 1) – It should be “was coming near”. Past tense should be used consistently. Do note that even in your foreword, there was an inconsistent usage of tenses.

[3] I left my mouth wide open, realizing the blunder I have committed, that is what the biggest problem is with me. When I get angry, I throw stuff on impulse. (Chapter 2) – Past tense, please.

[4] My heart breaking. (Chapter 3) – My heart was breaking.

Actually, you used some incomplete sentences here and there. I did not pick all of them out. I understand that incomplete sentences sometimes help to emphasis the emotions of characters. However, in this case, it does not work that way. Thus, I identified it as an error.

Detail: 2/5

Details were not elaborate enough. You did not describe many things such as the appearances of the handphones, Si Won… Also, I think that the characters’ actions and tones can be better described. Try finding speech verbs as a start to help you.

Writing Style: 8/10

Your writing style is pleasant. I like the way you add in the dialogues which really help the story to propel forward and portrays the feelings of characters. However, dialogues aid only to a certain extent only. You can surely do better if you describe more and include more tones and speech verbs which can further highlight characters’ feelings. Their body language, reactions and actions count a lot too. Do strive on.


Overall Enjoyment: 7/10



Bonus: 5/5

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Total: 68/100

Labels: th1rd3ye