Author: BabyCopGurl
Story Title: Traveling Back In Time
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/BabyCopGurl_01/
Reviewer: purple_lilly @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 5/5

From the sound of it, it sounds interesting already! And, it suites the whole plot.


Poster/Background: 5/5

I liked the poster, not very annoying to look at. The pictures suited the characters and their personalities well. As for your background, I thought you didn't have one XD... but then I saw it. It doesn't distract me from my reading, so thats good.


Forewards: 7/10

The quotes you put in were all used. However, you just put names of the characters. You didn't describe them, I only got to know their personalities by reading the oneshot itself.


Plot: 15/15

It wasn't all over the place. I clearly understood everything, and what was happening between the three people. Personally, I think it was nice of her to move on.


Originality: 19/20

I don't think there are many stories such as this (or oneshot) but there are some titles that are similar. You added your own twists which worked well with the plot. So, well done!


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 15/15

Excellent! All your spellings were correct, your vocabulary was excellent. But!


Here: “Hello, Yunho!” Soon Yi smiled but you can clearly see the hurt in her eyes. Yun Hee just simply stood there and looked at Yunho and Soon Yi, Yun Hee looked at Yunho's eyes she saw the sadness in them, she looked at Soon Yi's and also saw sadness.


You should've done: “Hello Yunho!” Soon Yi Smiled, but the hurt was evident in her eyes. Yun Hee just simply stood there and looked at the pair in front of her. She looked into Yunho's eyes and saw sadness, she also looked into Soon Yi's eyes and saw similar sadness.


Other than that, everything was fine!


Detail: 5/5

Superb detail my friend. Nothing much to say here again.


Writing Style: 9/10
Its really organized, apart from the thoughts. You could've used ' to represent the thoughts. Or even *. The speech was clearly set out, so nothing wrong with that!


Overall Enjoyment: 10/10
You're a really good writer, and I look forward to reading/reviewing more stories from you! I love everything that happened in the story!


Bonus: 5/5
YOU DESERVE A BONUS! (I'm generous no?)


Total: 95/100

Labels: purple_lilly

Author: dEEaNNa
Story Title: ☼ Hatsukoi ☼
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dEEaNNa_08/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5

Love your title though I did not know what it meant. This title is rather eye-catching since it is in Japanese and the symbols beside it are special. (I love this language though I don’t study it and I can’t understand it.)





Poster/Background: 4.5/5

I think the background is a little too plain. However, other than that, perfect, I would say! The overall appearance enhances the mood of the story very well. The font colours chosen fit the background and poster as well. Good job! Credits to the fabulous designer then! =]




Forewords: 8.5/10

The synopsis was brilliant. The character list was basic. However, the foreword could be better if you could add in some significant quotes said by the characters. Plus, you can include some brief details about the characters as well.




Plot: 11/15

I like your plot. It is cliche whereby the female character started off with some horrible past and sad life story. However, as the story progresses on, you had included your own twists and developments. The characters you put in your stories have their very own special characteristics. The lively interactions between all of them helped to spice up the story! Good job!




Originality: 17/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.




Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 7.5/15

There is an inconsistent usage of tenses. You should use past tense consistently. Vocabulary was not bad. Do note that you should use proper punctuation. The forms of the verbs or words are used wrongly. Note that your errors made are similar to one another throughout so I just picked the first few since the back few are all similar errors. Examples of errors include:



[1] Since all fate had been giving her was harshness and pain, would she ever fine happiness in her life? (Foreword) – It should be “find” and not “fine”. These two words’ meanings are too different. I suppose it is a typo.



[2] Fujimaru said and then he face the driver who nod in acknowledgement. (Chapter 1) – I think you should stick to using past tense consistently. Thus, it should be “faced” and “nodded”.



[3] "Dont follow me," (Chapter 1) – Please include the proper punctuation. It should be “Don’t”.



[4] I whispered as I force a smile as I pick the twigs and pulled out the weeds. (Chapter 1) – Past tense should be used consistently.



[5] Miura watched her from behind the wall and he felt an unknown pain in his heart and a feeling that he should helped her. (Chapter 2) – After modals like “should”, the following verb should be in its base form, which means no past tense or “-ing”. Thus, you should have written “help” and not “helped”.



[6] What will happened to them? (Chapter 3) – Similar mistake to error [5]. “will” is a modal, so you should use “happen”.



[7] Hearing the long explanation, they were amaze that this simple looking man is the director of the greatest corporation in Japan and now the only question in their mind is who is the girl then. (Chapter 4) – It should be “amazed”. Also, please note that you should use past tense consistently.



[8] Though what she was saying cant be heard, her smile are enough to show that she is happy being there. (Chapter 6) – Proper punctuation and past tense should be used. Also, note that you should use “smiles” if you are using “are”, or you can change it to “is”. A smile is singular while smiles are plural.





Detail: 3/5

Details provided in the story were sufficient but not elaborate and described vividly. You could use more phrases and sentences to describe the characters’ facial expressions and actions. You seemed to focus more on dialogues, but you did not include many speech verbs, which can help to highlight the characters’ tones and their emotions. Do strive on.




Writing Style: 10/10

I like your writing style. It is neat and very organized. The paragraphing and dialogues were well done.




Overall Enjoyment: 8.5/10

Somehow, I think the story is not that realistic and too fictional. Maybe the girl was too popular. Even though her life story may be what some people really experience in the world, however, her life story was a little too exaggeratedly depressing. Nonetheless, I liked reading and reviewing this story.





Bonus: 5/5

Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for choosing our site!





Total: 80/100

Labels: th1rd3ye

Author: purple_silent
Story Title: ♥THE RANSOM♥{COMPLETED}
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/yunnieshhi/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3.5/5

This title is relatively interesting but not to the extent whereby it will ‘wow’ people.

Poster/Background: 4/5

The poster is alright but the background made it a little hard to read. Quotes on the poster made the poster more meaningful and can help to enhance the story’s mood to a higher extent.

Forewords: 7/10

The foreword was too short. It did include a brief summary of the story and the main character and her significant traits. The foreword could be better if you include some brief details about Yunho as well. In addition, you could add some significant quotes or sneak previews to better bring out the story’s mood and essence. The questions placed help to intrigue readers. Good attempt and do strive on.

Plot: 10/15

The plot was rather typical, with common dramatic twists. What I liked was that the main female character really married Si Won. Normally, in dramas, the female lead will use every single way and not marry that person. Nice ending too! I like the way whereby your definition of “ransom” in the story was unique. Do work harder!

Originality: 12.5/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 9/15

There was an inconsistent usage of tenses. Vocabulary can be further built up. Examples of errors include:

[1] But the silver lining came when her ill fate turned to a chance at love...with one her kidnappers. (Foreword) – You left out the word “of” which should be placed between the words “one” and “her” to make the sentence grammatically correct and complete.

[2] Maybe he already knew about it, and maybe he was now thinking of another place to work in, for the day he would soon get fired is coming near. (Chapter 1) – It should be “was coming near”. Past tense should be used consistently. Do note that even in your foreword, there was an inconsistent usage of tenses.

[3] I left my mouth wide open, realizing the blunder I have committed, that is what the biggest problem is with me. When I get angry, I throw stuff on impulse. (Chapter 2) – Past tense, please.

[4] My heart breaking. (Chapter 3) – My heart was breaking.

Actually, you used some incomplete sentences here and there. I did not pick all of them out. I understand that incomplete sentences sometimes help to emphasis the emotions of characters. However, in this case, it does not work that way. Thus, I identified it as an error.

Detail: 2/5

Details were not elaborate enough. You did not describe many things such as the appearances of the handphones, Si Won… Also, I think that the characters’ actions and tones can be better described. Try finding speech verbs as a start to help you.

Writing Style: 8/10

Your writing style is pleasant. I like the way you add in the dialogues which really help the story to propel forward and portrays the feelings of characters. However, dialogues aid only to a certain extent only. You can surely do better if you describe more and include more tones and speech verbs which can further highlight characters’ feelings. Their body language, reactions and actions count a lot too. Do strive on.


Overall Enjoyment: 7/10



Bonus: 5/5

Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for choosing our site! I love DBSK!





Total: 68/100

Labels: th1rd3ye

Author: kanhosa301
Story Title: The Love Bus (one shot) Completed
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kanhosa304/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 3.5/5

The title is alright and relatively interesting since it makes one wonder how the bus ride will be and where it will lead to. However, this title is too short and simple in a way that it will easily be missed out in the long Winglin list, especially since many titles use the word “Love”.

Poster/Background: 3/5

The poster was adorable but I think that the background was too striking that it hurts my eyes.

Forewords: 4.5/10

I love the little quote you have down there. However, the foreword is just plain and too short. You could include some sneak previews or characters’ opinions. Also, you can provide some brief details about their personalities and the settings of the story, or even the mood and genre of the story.

Plot: 11.5/15

The ending was sweet and I was glad that Cherry kept to loving Yunho.

Originality: 15/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 9.5/15

I did not include all the errors. There was an inconsistent usage of tenses. Vocabulary can be improved. Examples of errors (Chapter 1) include:

[1] Here we are, my bestie and I, riding the bus to school. – I think you should use “Here we were…” since throughout the story, you seemed to stick to using past tense more consistently. Please use past tense consistently then.

[2] It was rush hour and a lot of people were anxiously looking at their wrist watch checking every second each time the traffic lights turn red. – “Their” is plural, so it should be “watches”. In addition, this sentence is rather long. You can put a comma after “watches” and “second”. Also, it should be “turned”. Past tense should be used consistently.

[3] He’s one of the coolest ulzzang in school. Every girl wants to stay close to him and each one of them is probably plotting a crime to kick me out of the picture. But no one ever succeeded to keep me away from him. He’s just too overprotective and he always came when mean girls try to bully me, cut my hair short or simply push me down the stairs. To cut it short, he’s my knight in shining armor! He looks a bit stern with his manly features and intense glare, especially when he’s mad, but nonetheless…he’s a warm, comforting person on the inside. – Past tense, please.

[4] Doo Joon held my hand again, but this time it’s my right hand. – It should be “was” instead of “is”.

[5] Never, ever let him feel that you are interested on him too! – There is a misuse of preposition. It should be “interested in”.

[6] It became a reflex that I’ll turn my head and wished Yunho’s there staring at me. – I think you can separate this sentence into two. It would be better. I would advice you to write “Turning my head became a reflex action. Wishing Yunho to be there, watching me with his smiling eyes, was a desire of mine which had not been fulfilled.”

Detail: 3.5/5

More descriptions could be added of how the characters look, behave and speak. For example, you can describe Yunho’s face. Try at least, instead of using the word “HOT” to settle it.

Writing Style: 7/10

Your writing style to narrate the story was alright. However, I think you need to improve on paragraphing. Each time there is a new speaker to say something (dialogue), it should be a new paragraph. Having the dialogue in another paragraph helps to signal that there is a change of speakers.

Overall Enjoyment: 8.5/10

Bonus: 5/5

Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for choosing our site! I love DBSK!

Total: 71/100

Labels: th1rd3ye

Author: eternalflower
Story Title: Dreams Come (un)True
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/index.php/story/view/1331
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com



Title: 5/5

This title is short, but adorable. You have made use of a very common phrase and changed it in an innovative way. I like the idea of adding the brackets in between.

Poster/Background: 3/5

I can only judge you based on the poster. The poster is relatively simple and portrays the two main characters and the scenery of a sea. However, I think the poster does not really enhance the mood or atmosphere of the story. The poster is neat and pretty but it seemed to be just for decoration. To me, a story poster will be one which can speak to the readers as well.

Forewords: 6.5/10

Sweet and short foreword which managed to capture the essence of the story. I would love it more if you could describe or provide some more brief details about who the characters are and the settings of the story, for instance.

Plot: 10/15

The ending was cliche. I think the waitress was a good addition since I think she can only see Jae Joong. However, I was a little confused about where Jae Joong would get the clothes then. The pace of development of the story was just right. Do strive on.

Originality: 12/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12.5/15

There were very few errors, just some slight ones. Vocabulary can be improved.

[1] “You weren’t getting caught in the rain?” (Chapter 1) – I think you can just remove the word “getting”. It is redundant.

[2] “It wasn’t about it felt good or not.” (Chapter 1) – I think the sentence sounded awkward. You could add in a word “whether” between the words “about” and “it”, to make it sound and be more right.

[3] But I don’t bring much money today. (Chapter 1) – Instead of “don’t”, you should use “didn’t”.

Detail: 3.5/5

I think the details in the story are rather elaborate. However, I think the characters’ expressions can be more vividly described. You seemed to repeat “smiles” a lot. A smile can be wider like a grin, and it can be a sheepish smile or a sweet smile…

Writing Style: 10/10

I like your writing style. It is simple and neat and very organized. Dialogues and paragraphing are good.


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

Two points off because I find the ending a little cliche for sad stories and I will like to read more vivid descriptions of characters and everything else. Maybe you can include how each and every day Jae Joong does not greet Junsu to further portray Jae Joong’s shyness and how this bothers Junsu.

Bonus: 5/5

Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for choosing our site!





Total: 71.5/100

Labels: th1rd3ye