Author: Ana
Story Title: Raindrops [One-Shot] COMPLETE
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_raindrops/
Reviewer: th1rd3ye

Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com

Title: 3/5

Your title is of appropriate length. However, it is not very interesting but it does link back to the story in a way. It is rather common in the sense that the words “rain” or “raindrops” remind people of bad weather, and sadness, especially cliché sad love stories. After reading your story, I felt that you could have done better if the title is “Iseul”. Do strive on.



Poster/Background: 3.5/5

I found the overall appearance of the story rather too dark, though it did help in attaining the melancholic mood of the story. The background was rather too plain. Gleefully, the font colours you had chosen and used are appropriate.


Forewords: 6/10

Your foreword was too short. It did not provide me with much to start with, though to give too many details would be a dead giveaway. However, your synopsis was really very short. It would have helped a lot if you had included more significant quotes said by the different characters. The basic character list is there but you could have added a little bit more, such as one or two of their distinctive character traits. Do strive on.


Plot: 13.5/15

Your plot is definitely not cliché. I am very satisfied with the ending whereby Junsu got nothing. He was rejected by his love and he lost his best support. I love it. Not that I am sadistic, but the typical drama plots’ endings are always happy endings whereby the characters changed for the better. In reality, it is hard for people to change for the better that easily. Old habits die hard. The link established between the name and the weather is a little out of the norm and creative. However, I would suggest for you to beef up your story more with more details and descriptions as well as more flashbacks perhaps. This is so as readers do not exactly know how much Aecha gave in to Junsu, thus, the impact of the grief would be reduced. Your story would be more impactful and complete if you had added in more details.


Originality: 18.5/20

Same comment as “Plot”, since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.


Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 14/15

One of the authors with the best command of English, I would say! Good job! Keep it up! Vocabulary was not too bad. I could see your efforts in varying the sentence structures as well as using different speech verbs and expressions to ensure that the tones in which the characters are using are based on their emotions. You had used past tense consistently too. Well done! One error:



[1] The girl may have had what she thought she wanted, and the girl may have once been her enemy, but now she wanted so much to thank her. (Chapter 1) – Instead of “may”, I was thinking that you should use “might” instead. This is so since you had used past tense really consistently.



Detail: 2.5/5

Sufficient details were given but not further elaborated. You could have described more about the whole settings and atmosphere other than just mentioning raindrops. Add colours into the scenes. Also, the raindrops may have a certain rhythm. You could do better! Do strive on!


Writing Style: 10/10

Neat, consistent, direct and easy to comprehend; good style!


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

I felt that it was too short. I know this is a one-shot but it could have been longer. Maybe you could have added some flashbacks of how much Aecha had given to Junsu and also more revelations of the relationship between the three good friends… (I suppose)



Bonus: 5/5

MY FAVOURITE IS FEATURED! KIM JUN SU! =] Though he is rather mean here, but still … =D



Total: 84/100

Labels: th1rd3ye