Author: herlyn
Story Title: Setbacks Of A Winglin Author
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/HEEZYOO6/
Reviewer: ShadowYin @ shreddedhearts.blogspot.com


*This review is not meant to be offensive, but contains purely my personal opinions on how I think the fanfic can be improved. I too, can be wrong, so please don’t take this review to heart.*


Title: 4/5

- It’s different, original, related, but I believe it should’ve been: Setbacks of a Winglin Author.


Poster/Background: 4/5

- You didn’t have one, however the point of your one-shot was that you wanted to emphasise your opinions that ‘no one cared for the cover of the book’. I still think a poster will make the one-shot nicer, but you make it seem like you’ve purposely ignored the poster/background. Also, I like the background colour.


Forewords: 4/10

- Your forewords don’t tell me anything about your one-shot, in a way, you didn’t need to, but because this is a review, I still think that it’s better to have one.

Plot: 10/15

- Not much of a plot going on, but I’ll give you credit for writing something different.


Originality: 20/20

- Full marks here, reason being, you’re the first one to write about your opinions on winglin. (That I know of…)



Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 12/15

In this small piece of writing, I found quite a lot of places where you missed out comas.

For example…

-

You wrote:

I snooped around my cousin's laptop and found a site…



My version:

I snooped around my cousin's laptop, and found a site…

-

You wrote: (Try reading this without any pauses)

Of course I understand the fact that it feels a whole lot better if the reader would give you masses of feedback but shouldn't one feel grateful enough that someone is actually reading their work?



My version:

Of course, I understand the fact that it feels a whole lot better, if the reader would give you masses of feedback, but shouldn't one feel grateful enough that someone is actually reading their work?

-

You wrote:

Don't get me started .. Oh pish…



My version:

Don’t get me started… (Three, not two.)

-

You wrote:

Have you ever felt the need to turn your story into an apply story all because you know it's the fastest way to get comments?



My version:

Have you ever felt the need to turn your story into an apply story, all because you know it's the fastest way to get comments?

-

You wrote:

Why cant you…



My version:

Why can’t you…

-

Minor errors such as…



You wrote:

…don't have any writing skill?



My version:

…don't have any writing skills?

-

You wrote:

Is that really all the matters?



My version:

Is that really all that matters?

-

Slightly awkward sentences…?



You wrote:

You know, I know not the point of this one-shot.



I think you meant:

You know, I do not know the point of this one-shot.


Detail: 5/5

I don’t know if any details were necessary in this, so I’ll just give you 5.


Writing Style: 8/10

- I can’t see much of a style going on to be honest with you. It’s probably because it’s relatively short, I can’t see much techniques being used.

Overall I’ve seen you’ve used:

Rhetorical questions

Alliteration



Maybe there’s a few more lurking around which I can’t see.

Even though it lacks a lot of punctuation, this fic is good because it creates an impact on the reader, also it’s the first time I’ve reviewed a fic, and the author tries to do that.

It was written very informally, but it worked.


Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

- Short, simple, clear, nicely written.

Bonus: 3/5

That one point is lost because you didn't proof read.

The other is because there was no forewords.


Total: 78/100

Labels: ShadowYin