Story Title: Do You Believe In Love?
Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/index.php/story/view/328
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Site: http://shreddedhearts.blogspot.com/

Title: 3.5/5
Your title is rather long (hard to remember) and I would say that it is quite typical. However, I like your idea of using a question as a title. It is a good way to lure people to read your story.

Poster/Background: 3.5/5
I am only judging on the poster since it is not possible to put a background. I find your poster a little dull and boring. In addition, the word "believe" in your poster is misspelled. However, I like how you placed one SoEul picture for each chapter. =]

Foreword: 3.5/10
Your foreword is too short. It has a character list and a really brief summary. However, these two are not very enthralling to readers. You could have added some snippets of interesting conversations between important characters or some sneak previews of dramatic events. You could have introduced the main characters with more background information too, for example, by stating their relationships. [Example, Kim Bum and Kim So Eun are siblings.]

Plot: 10.5/15
I would say that your plot seems typical. From being siblings to lovers, So Eun and Kim Bum must have faced some difficulties when they are not aware that they are not biological siblings. This is just an assumption since your story is not completed yet, However, I am guessing that this story will go along these similar storylines. Your story is refreshing in the part where there are many different characters, each with his or her story. For example, Arron and Hebe’s love story is not totally revealed. Also, there is the Calvin’s story with So Eun. I find this part interesting. I know that these are your own ideas and they can be twists in the story as well. I am leaving you the benefit of doubt. Do strive on.

Originality: 16/20
As I have mentioned above, you clearly have your own ideas which you are trying to integrate into the story. The overall plot about the main characters, though, is more common. Do work harder.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 3.5/15
Vocabulary is limited and there are many grammatical errors. Abrupt changes in tenses can be found throughout your story, causing your whole story to sound very messy and incoherent. There is a handful of spelling errors as well. I suggest for you to proofread more or find someone to read your chapters first before you post them up. Another suggestion will be that you should type your chapters with Microsoft Word. Microsoft Word will automatically check for errors and most probably aid you in correcting them. Capitalization is not used when needed.
Examples of errors:
[1] "So Eun, where are you going?" Kim Bum asked as So Eun run away from him. – Note the sudden and incorrect change in tenses, from past to present tense. Past tense should be used consistently. "So Eun ran away from him" is the correct phrase. [Chapter 1]
[2] So Eun turned back and Kim Bum catch her. – Same mistake as error [1]. It should be "SO Eun turned back and Kim Bum caught her." [Chapter 1]
[3] Kim Bum try to blocked So Eun way. – This sentence is totally wrong. Firstly, note your tenses used. Past tense should be used consistently. Secondly, you missed out an " ‘s" after "So Eun", which meant that you had not indicated clearly whose way it was that Kim Bum obstructed. After the word "to" or other modals such as "will", "can" or "could", a root word must be used. The root word will have no "s", "ing" and not in past tense. A corrected version of your sentence will be "Kim Bum tried to block So Eun’s way." [Chapter 1]
[4] alredy inside the house.. – It should be "already" instead of "alredy". Also, when you are using the punctuation for the continuation, please do take note. It should be "…" instead "..". In simpler terms, the correct punctuation should be three dots and not two dots. [Chapter 1]
[5] asleep – asleep [Chapter 1]
[6] hapiness – happiness [Chapter 1]
[7] even though I’m a man – The "e" of even should be capitalized, since it is after a full stop. [Chapter 3]
[8] mwwt – meet [Chapter 6]

Detail: 2/5
There are little details given. In the first place, you have not succeeded in providing sufficient descriptions of the characters and their settings. I hope you can improve in this part. I am glad that you had kindly indicated the change in settings. Strive on!

Writing Style: 5/10
Neat writing style you have, with everything direct and made clear to readers. However, your writing style is not as understandable as it seems. There are too many English errors which spoil your story, and make it sound less convincing, and very incoherent. In Chapter 4, you had included Korean lyrics. I would suggest that you include the translations of the lyrics in English as well, since your readers may not be well-versed in Korean.

Overall Enjoyment: 7.5/10

Bonus: 5/5
I am a BIG fan of SOEUL! I love them though I know they will not date in real life. That was a real disappointment when So Eun stated that she would not want to date Kim Bum. Still, I think they match each other perfectly. I don’t know if you have read my SoEul fanfic, but here is the link. Do comment on it too! www.winglin.net/fanfic/SoEul/

Total: 60/100

Labels: th1rd3ye