Author: BoBoLi0us
Story Title: The Last Time
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Reminiscence02/
Reviewer: Yunni


Title: 5/5
Title was short, to the point, and summarizes the whole plot of the story. GG.

Poster/Background: 4/5
Great blending, first of all. I liked how you put train tracks and the girl's back facing the reader, making it seem as if she's walking away. Very intriguing and eye catching. A mark was deducted because Junho's picture somehow doesn't seem to fit in.

Forewords: 9/10
Your forewords were, first of all, organized. You had all the copyrights at the top, the hook in the middle, cast, then your personal author notes. Detailed and professional. Also, your teaser was VERY intriguing. I smiled when I read the word 'bunny' ^^ Bunnies make me happy. Teehee. -blink- Err...I docked a mark because of the sudden jolt out of the story when you wrote 'rabbit' instead of bunny, so one little suggestion- keep it to one thing. Yes, they are synonyms, but it just sounds better when you stick to one name for the bunny. If it's Giant Bunny, then don't call it Giant Rabbit unless you're using rabbit as a noun and not a name.
I also thought that it was interesting how you can link bunnies up to Junho. Hehe.

Plot: 12/15
Interesting, interesting plot. It's not a first-timer that a girl has left a guy because of temper tantrums, but you write it as if it has never happened before. I really like how you just made her fly halfway around the world to get away from him. xD but the main reason why I liked it was because she still went back, even though she didn't want to (and you know how expensive tickets are - -').
Ignore me if I sound weird.

Originality: 17/20
This one I've gotta hand it to you. The bunny story was completely original, and completely you. I was wondering at first what BUNNIES had to do with Junho (they're too cute for him. Sorry. Love you, but sorry. xD), but as the story moved on, I really admired the way you tied up that 'analogy' with what was happening to him.
Also, flying to America. That is just so completely you, and I liked it because it shows just how much she went back...AND LEFT HIM. NYAHAH.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 11/15
There weren't very many grammar mistakes I saw while I was reading, but there were some capitalization and apostrophe mistakes. They're probably typos, but they're important because they have the power to jerk readers out of the story and back to the text.
-
Theres no time
-
Giant rabbit
You should remember to capitalize the R in rabbit every time, no matter Giant or Mini Rabbit, because that's their names, yeah?
-
No words right would come out.
I have something against this sentence, and that's awkwardness. You should rephrase it, like...
"The right words wouldn't come out."
Or something like that. Your wording right now just sounds really weird and awkward, and that's happened a couple of times in your fic. Not much, because your style permits this to an extent, but there are still some inside.

Detail: 5/5
Very vivid, and good descriptions of the characters' actions. Well done.

Writing Style: 9/10
Like I've said before on almost all of your fics that I've previously reviewed, I enjoy your writing style very much, because it conveys the mood that your story is set in. Brilliant.
However, remember the pointer I mentioned about awkward phrasing. Your style allows the wording to be different, but it's only to a certain point before it really becomes weird-sounding.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10

Bonus: 3/5

-The poster. Like I said. The train tracks.
-For making it short and sweetly angst.
-The bunnies.

Total: 85/100

Labels: Yunni